Tact and truth: the two don't have to be mutually exclusive.

Published on May 5, 2004 By dharmagrl In Misc

Truth:

1. Conformity to fact or actuality 2. Fidelity to an original or standard 3. Reality :Actuality 4. A statement proven to be accepted as true. 5. Sincerity, Integrity.

Tact

1. The ability to appreciate the delicacy of a situation and to do or say the kindest and most fitting thing : the ability to do or say the right thing at the right time.

Some people seem to have the idea that truth is not the truth if it’s tempered with tact. They seem to think that it’s ok to blurt out whatever, whenever, and that no-one should be offended by it because it’s the truth. Truth should stand alone, on it’s own, and that’s all that is needed. They spout the old adage 'the truth shall set you free, right'?

Wrong.

Truth is, sometimes, a painful thing. There are situations that, whilst they require the truth, also require that truth be tempered with a health dose of tact. Does this softening of the blow make the truth any less factual? No. It makes it easier to swallow, more palatable, easier to accept. People will more readily accept the truth if it’s less painful. Blunt-force truth with often make people feel they're being attacked...which leads to defensive reactions, and sometimes a direct denial of the truth. Truth accompanied by tact, however, receives a better reaction. People feel more comfortable with truth and tact as a pair, and if they're comfortable they're more likely to see the truth as not something that’s painful or can hurt them, but as something to be embraced and perhaps accepted.. In order for the truth to set someone free, it has to be accepted as just that, the truth.

Denying the truth isn’t going to get anyone out of prison. Tact is they key to that particular cell door.

Comments (Page 2)

BlueDev

on May 05, 2004

Excellent article dharmagrl, and something that we can be reminded of on a regular basis. Truth tempered with tact is vital in so many relationships. I agree that there are times and situations that call for brutal honesty, open and bold faced. But an even measure of tact can be a salve to the wounded soul, as it says so much about our sincere concern for that person. I need to always remember to use it with my wife, my kids, and my patients.

Thanks for the reminder.

Dan Kaschel

on May 05, 2004

Basically, my point is this: you catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar. If you want to have successful relationships with people, blunt-force truth isn't always the way to do it.

If your aim is to catch flies, I suppose tact is the way to go...

Let me tell a story, because that's what I do when I just can't think of any other way to say what I mean. After the Easter concert at our church, I was talking to this lady. I asked her what she thought about the concert, and she answered, "do you want the truth, or what I think?" I think the times when a person seems to be lacking in tact is not a clue that they should be rephrasing, but that they're giving a heavily opinionated version of the truth. It's really their view on the situation, not the truth.

I don't believe in tact when it comes ot telling the truth. For instance, you used (or somebody did, too lazy to check) the example about the widow of the man who just died. First of all, making a random comment and then justifying it by saying "it was the truth" is petty. A person should never say "you're retarded" out of the blue even if the person's IQ is only a couple percentage points above their age. Second, saying "he was an ___" is not the truth, but how you felt about him. God loved him whoever he was, so he had to be worth loving.

I hope that came across the right way, but in case it didn't, let me leave you with one of my favorite quites: "The truth is a delight to those that love it. Such beauty holds no power to offend."

~Buddha

dharmagrl

on May 06, 2004

Blue: thanks for the comment. I knew you'd get it.

Dan: I knew you WOULDN'T get it. Either that or you'd get it but insist your blunt-force tactics are right.

I hope that you never choose law enforcement as a career; you'll be a miserable failure.

Draginol

on May 06, 2004

Dan is gone now.

There are times when the candid, cold hard truth make the most sense and there are times when diplomacy is called for. Part of being an adult is knowing when the circumstances call for the former or the latter.

Words mean things. Knowing how to communicate "the truth" in a way that accomplishes your goal takes a certain level of skill. Skill that takes time to develop.

For example, today I was on an important conference call with a publisher and things didn't go well. The "truth" is that we need X and Y for us to agree to the deal. But you can't just say "Give us X and Y or else no deal." Instead, the challenge is to convince them first that X and Y are things THEY want. Only as a last resort do you end up having to get down to saying "Look, we have to have X and Y or else we can't do this."

Again, sometimes diplomacy is a waste and being blunt is more productive. But usually, diplomacy is the way to go.

gothic impulse

on May 06, 2004

Very nice article Dharma ... I am a great believer in tempering truth with tact.

Another of my favourites is example ...."The do as I do -not as I say" I find too many people in the world today are' do as I say -not as I do ' people.

TY for an interesting read.

Jess

dharmagrl

on May 06, 2004

Knowing how to communicate "the truth" in a way that accomplishes your goal takes a certain level of skill. Skill that takes time to develop.

Exactly. A skill that Dan didn't have, and refused to acknowledge was necessary.

BlueDev

on May 06, 2004

You know, it is interesting. When I was younger (not trying to say I am old or really that mature or bright) I had this perception that tact was for people who were afraid of being open and honest. I viewed tact as a tool for the weak, for those who didn't have the spine to say or hear the straight-up, honest truth.

Then I lived a little more.

I met new people, formed new relationships, and learned from some marvelous people. And I learned that tact often requires, in fact, more courage and spine, as well as maturity and decency to learn to use it appropriately and sincerely. Tact without sincerity is a waste, and as I grow and learn I continue to gain the experience necessary to sincerely be tactful and honest. I hope to continue to learn that incredibly important lesson.

Draginol

on May 06, 2004

Words are just tools for accomplish a goal. The question is always a matter of figuring out what the goal is and the best way to accomplish it.

Younger people, like Dan, believe that the words in themselves are the goal.

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!