Tact and truth: the two don't have to be mutually exclusive.

Published on May 5, 2004 By dharmagrl In Misc

Truth:

1. Conformity to fact or actuality 2. Fidelity to an original or standard 3. Reality :Actuality 4. A statement proven to be accepted as true. 5. Sincerity, Integrity.

Tact

1. The ability to appreciate the delicacy of a situation and to do or say the kindest and most fitting thing : the ability to do or say the right thing at the right time.

Some people seem to have the idea that truth is not the truth if it’s tempered with tact. They seem to think that it’s ok to blurt out whatever, whenever, and that no-one should be offended by it because it’s the truth. Truth should stand alone, on it’s own, and that’s all that is needed. They spout the old adage 'the truth shall set you free, right'?

Wrong.

Truth is, sometimes, a painful thing. There are situations that, whilst they require the truth, also require that truth be tempered with a health dose of tact. Does this softening of the blow make the truth any less factual? No. It makes it easier to swallow, more palatable, easier to accept. People will more readily accept the truth if it’s less painful. Blunt-force truth with often make people feel they're being attacked...which leads to defensive reactions, and sometimes a direct denial of the truth. Truth accompanied by tact, however, receives a better reaction. People feel more comfortable with truth and tact as a pair, and if they're comfortable they're more likely to see the truth as not something that’s painful or can hurt them, but as something to be embraced and perhaps accepted.. In order for the truth to set someone free, it has to be accepted as just that, the truth.

Denying the truth isn’t going to get anyone out of prison. Tact is they key to that particular cell door.

Comments (Page 1)

JillUser

on May 05, 2004

Extremely well said! I gave you an insightful. You said something that had been on my mind but I couldn't have done a better job than you. I think this idea is also a key part of good parenting. Tact is what can help you tell your children some really awful truths without scaring the crap out of them.

You go cybersis!

dharmagrl

on May 05, 2004

I gave you an insightful.

Wow! Thanks!

I learned to refine this technique in 'Interviews and Interrogations' class. Some people you have to be bluntly truthful with..however, using that tactic all the time isn't going to get you any information.

You're right about the parenting too.

shadesofgrey

on May 05, 2004

well said!

marc mullins

on May 05, 2004

great article.........very insightful

KarmaGirl

on May 05, 2004

Very *very* true!

Thanks for this article!

dharmagrl

on May 05, 2004

Thanks, dude and dude-ettes!

It's been on my mind for a while, but was brought to the forefront recently because of my class, my husband, and happenings around here at JoeU. I know there's going to be one individual in particular who's going to want to credit himself as the inspiration for this article..to him, I have this to say: Whilst the lessons here can most certainly be applied to you, you were not the sole reason for these thoughts. A cataslyst, perhaps, but not the cause.

imajinit

on May 05, 2004

Dharma... I wrote an article a while back that looks at the opposite side of this discussion... i reposted it here in the misc section. I don't know if you read it the first time around, but it counts as my reply to this article...

dharmagrl

on May 05, 2004

MJ, there's a lot to be said for tempering the truth with tact. No-one is saying that you have to NOT tell the truth, I'm merely stating that if you want to get results in my line of work beating people over the head with the truth ain't gonna get you very damn far. The same could be said for ordinary life situations. People tend to respond to as you so delicately put it 'sugar coated' truth better than the bitter pill of naked truth.

Also, there is a time and a place for everything. For example, would you tell the widow of a recently deceased colleague "yeah, your husband was kind of an ass and I never really liked him. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but that's the truth"? I would hope not. Just as that isn't an apporpriate thing to say at that time, there are other times when blunt-force truth isn't appropriate...but truth sweetened with a little tact is.

Basically, my point is this: you catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar. If you want to have successful relationships with people, blunt-force truth isn't always the way to do it.

Joan of Arc

on May 05, 2004

They spout the old adage 'the truth shall set you free, right'?

This is actually part of a verse in the Bible. I DO believe the truth will set you free, but what you're saying is that if you have no tact, the truth will never hit the mark to enable freedom. Another verse that seems to say what you're saying is in Ephesians, and talks about "expressing the truth in love". If love is motivating the expression of truth, it is going to be done with tact.

Great article by the way. I wonder who might think he motivated this article, hmmm......

Tractorman

dharmagrl

on May 05, 2004

I DO believe the truth will set you free, but what you're saying is that if you have no tact, the truth will never hit the mark to enable freedom.

That's exactly what I'm saying, T-man. I too believe that the truth shall set you free...and I'm speaking from experience.

I think you know who, btw....

greywar

on May 05, 2004

This priniple applies quite often in marital relations as well... the unvarnished truth will often result in a fight and an extended stay on the couch.

imajinit

on May 05, 2004

an extended stay on the couch.

what's wrong with sleeping on the couch? that's like going camping!

crimson

on May 05, 2004

Great post, Dharma! I gave an insightful too, and I rarely hand those babies out.

If love is motivating the expression of truth, it is going to be done with tact.

wonderfully put.

dharmagrl

on May 05, 2004

Thanks, Nicky!

greywar

on May 05, 2004

what's wrong with sleeping on the couch? that's like going camping!

Like going camping with the guys and no beer maybe... not my idea of a good time.

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