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My attempt at fiction.
Published on November 26, 2006 By dharmagrl In Misc

I saw him standing in line for the checkouts.  At first glance he looked as though he had some kind of genetic defect, some kind of retardation.  He looked like one of modern man's ancestors with his sloping brow and thick lips, not to mention his longer-than-average arms and thick, hairy knuckles.  He was neatly dressed but his ensemble had a 'too neat' air to them, as if his mother had chosen his clothes for him and he had been given no say in the matter whatsoever. 

He was with a woman.  She looked to be about my own age, but our gender and our age were the only things we had in common.  She had curly strawberry blonde hair and was wearing a green skirt suit that was about 15 years out of date; the kind that was popular in the early 90's when shoulder pads and big opulent buttons were en vogue.  I see a lot of outfits like that in the thrift stores that I frequent in my quest for sweaters to frog so I can re-use the yarn; they're mostly purchased by low-income women and are worn to church and to job interviews - sometimes school events, but mainly for church.  God abhors jeans and t-shirts, dontcha know - but he loves him some shoulder pads and a permed pseudo-mullet.

"Honey, you're blocking the aisle" the woman said.  He'd been standing in front of the counter, looking at the candy and impulse buys retailers like to place next to the cash registers.  He had an Almond Joy in his hands, and his lips were moving as he read the packet.  I could hear his breath hissing as it slid past his teeth, and I could see his tongue forming the sounds of his whispered words.  He looked up at the sound of the woman's voice, blinking hard,  and he hastily put the Almond Joy back on the rack with the other candy.

"Did you want to get that, sweetie?  You can have it, y'know....come on, hand it here so the lady can ring it up".

He picked the candy back up and handed it to the woman, turning his face towards me as he did so.  He had beautiful eyes, they were such a pale blue color that they seemed almost transparent.  His lashes were long and thick, the kind of lashes most women are envious of and can only achieve with a heavy dose of mascara.  They were the only attractive thing about his face, the rest of it was heavy and rudimentary.  In addition to a heavily sloped forehead he had a thick brown uni-brow, which did the rest of his face and his overall appearance no favors.  I could quite easily envision the woman with him (by now I was quite certain she was his mother) combing his hair for him and saying ' God has made us as we are and we are perfect in his eyes'.  Lord knows he had a face only a mother could love.

"Heh.  Purple hair" he said, poking a thick gnarled finger at my head "pretty.  Pretty purple hair" and he smiled, showing me remarkably straight and very white teeth, teeth that didn't seem to belong to him.  Those teeth were college student white and straight, not retard teeth at all. 

"Yes, she has purple hair, but we're done now.  C'mon, we're going home" she held her hand out to him, waggling her fingers.  "We've taken up enough time, we need to get home and get you some lunch".

He obiediently took her hand and let himself be led out of the store.  If I had not already made up my mind about his mental deficit, his gait would have sealed the deal for me.  He shuffled.  I'd worked with and been around enough adults with mental and physical challenges to recognize that shuffle.  'Yeah, he's retarded somehow', I told myself.   'What a shame'.

 

I saw them in the front lobby as I was leaving the store.  The woman was talking to the ladies from the Officer's Spouse's Club who were manning the gift wrapping station and he was watching Santa and Mrs Claus getting their photo taken with a dark-haired toddler and her even darker-haired big brother.  He had the Almond Joy wrapper in his hand, and, judging from the dark smudge on his chin, he'd eaten some of it already.  He turned his head to watch a young couple walk past and he smiled, showing me once again those perfect teeth that simply didn't belong in his head.  The young man was almost past him when he met his gaze and smiled in return, stopping and turning backwards towards my poor retarded angel with perfect teeth. 

"Major Edwards, sir!  I nearly didn't see you there......."

 

 


Comments (Page 1)
2 Pages1 2 
on Nov 26, 2006
I like it. I was right there with you.
on Nov 26, 2006
I liked it. Tell me was it in anyway based on an actual person. It would be even funnier if it was.
on Nov 26, 2006
I liked it. Tell me was it in anyway based on an actual person. It would be even funnier if it was.
on Nov 26, 2006

I liked it. Tell me was it in anyway based on an actual person. It would be even funnier if it was.

Thank you!

It WAS based on an actual person.  I was in line at the store this afternoon when I saw the guy I based this on.  He wasn't retarded, but he looked like he should have been, which gave me the idea for this story.  I wrote most of it in my head on the way home.

I like it. I was right there with you.

Thank you!

on Nov 26, 2006
on Nov 26, 2006
Great story, Dharma. I almost thought it was real. It wasn't until I went back and read the sub-heading that I realisd it was fiction. Excellent...
on Nov 26, 2006
It wasn't until I went back and read the sub-heading that I realisd it was fiction. Excellent...


I had to look back at it myself
on Nov 26, 2006
Great story, Dharma. I almost thought it was real. It wasn't until I went back and read the sub-heading that I realisd it was fiction. Excellent...


word for word I concur with Maso.

Excellent is right!
on Nov 27, 2006

lifehappens

Thanks!

Great story, Dharma. I almost thought it was real. It wasn't until I went back and read the sub-heading that I realisd it was fiction.

I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, Maso.  However, I thank you for your compliment, and I want you to know that it really means something, coming from you.

 

I had to look back at it myself

 

word for word I concur with Maso.

Excellent is right!

That's enough of a compliment to make me blush and go all shy, Joe.  As good at writing as you two are, 'excellent' as a description of my clumsy attempt at story-telling really means something to me, and I'm incredibly flattered.  Thank you, both of you.

on Nov 27, 2006
Well written. Interesting point of view.

on Nov 27, 2006
Great story!  I liked it.
on Nov 27, 2006
Hahaha! This could only have been funnier if he'd been addressed as "Colonel!"


Jeesh, I was thinking the exact same thing
on Nov 27, 2006
 
funnier if he'd been addressed as "Colonel!"


Or if one was a Dem....."Mr. President."
on Nov 27, 2006

Well written. Interesting point of view.

Thank you!

I liked it.

I'm glad!

 

Hahaha! This could only have been funnier if he'd been addressed as "Colonel!"

I had toyed with that idea, but decided against it.  Next time I'll got for it!

Jeesh, I was thinking the exact same thing

You too, huh?  Ok, I'll bear that in mind next time...

 

Or if one was a Dem....."Mr. President."

hehehe....I'll bear that in mind too!

on Nov 27, 2006
very nice
2 Pages1 2