Ever since I was a teenager I've had issues with my reproductive organs.  I didn't start menstruating until I was 14, and when I did I lost so much blood each month that I was perpetually anemic.  I had ovarian cysts that I was hospitalized for and was in so much pain that at times I couldn't walk.  It was miserable. 

I thought that having babies would straighten my hormonal issues out.  I was wrong.  It got worse.  My body, instead of settling down, betrayed me and caused me even more grief.

It got so bad that when I was 27 I was told that I needed to either have a blood transfusion ever few months or have a hysterectomy. I opted for the hysterectomy. I had my cervix, uterus and some of my fallopian tubes removed.  When they removed my cervix they found a 2cm pre-cancerous lesion on the back, so it was a very good thing that I opted for the hysterectomy.  Who knows what might have happened had I not.

I still had ovaries, and even though I wasn't bleeding all the time I still had problems with ovarian cysts and pelvic pain.  In recent years those issues subsided and I thought that finally my body had calmed down and was settling into a 'normal' state.

I was wrong.

In the past few months I've had hot flashes with startling regularity.  I've woken in the night drenched in sweat - it was so bad at times that I had to get up and change my night clothes.  My skin has become dry and crows feet have appeared around my eyes almost overnight.  My hair is coming out, I've had 5 UTI's (because of vaginal dryness) and my libido is almost non-existant.  In other words, I was peri-menopausal.

I ignored those symptoms for as long as I could, but they became so bad that ignoring them just wasn't an option.  Besided, I was worried about osteoporosis.  So, I made an appointment with my doctor and, yesterday morning, went to see her.

I'm menopausal.  According to her, my ovaries are just about done working.  They're no longer producing enough estrogen and have to be supplimented.  All those symptoms were my body's way of telling me that it has, once again, betrayed me and has quit working about 10 years earlier than normal.  

I'm only 37.  I thought that menopause was something that happened to women in their mid to late 40's.  I'm only 37, I'm not even 40 yet.  This isn't supposed to happen yet; I'm supposed to be in my sexual prime right now.  I think that I look better than I ever have done, I know that I have a confidence about my appearance now that I didn't have in my teens and 20's.  This isn't supposed to me happening, not yet.  Not for almost another decade.

I don't know why this bothers me as much as it does.  I didn't mind having a hysterectomy; I didn't feel any less feminine because I didn't have a uterus.  This, though....this has left me feeling angry at my ovaries for quitting on me so soon. 

I'm only 37, and my body has betrayed me yet again.