The Fabrication Of Myself

Published on April 25, 2004 By dharmagrl In Misc

I'm taking a break from make-up this week.

I was thinking yesterday as I was 'putting my face on'...that I was covering myself up with a mask. I use foundation to supposedly even out my skintone and cover up all the little flaws...but those flaws are what make me 'me', dig? I use something that looks akin to a piece of ancient torture equipment to curl my puny little lashes, then I cover them with mascara to lengthen, thicken and color them. They end up looking not so terribly different than they did before I put mascara on. I use blush to give myself a little color and make my face not look so corpse-like..but I already have color, a natural color that I just got done covering up with foundation. I look at myself bare-faced and I think I look ugly. Why? It's just me, sans accoutrements. On the Buddhist path I'm walking I'm learning to love and accept myself for who and what I am, so why can't I learn to like myself without makeup?

I wonder why I feel the need to fabricate myself like this? What am I so afraid of that I have to cover myself and show the world my 'mask' instead of myself? I really don't like going out without make up...but why? Am I afraid that people are going to look at me and think "Uggh. She's ugly"? Why does that bother me so much? It's not like those people matter to me. The only person who's opinion really matters, and matters above all others, loves me for who I am, not what I look like. He's seen me at my absolute worst and loves me anyway. So why do I care what other people think? It's who I am, not what I look like, that matters, right?

So, in the grand tradition I have of pushing my limits and trying to do something to step outside of my comfort zone every once in a while, I'm declaring this week 'no makeup week' in my world. I'm not going to wear any, none at all. I don't care what I have to go do, who I have to go see, I'm going to do it bare faced. I'm going to see myself as I really am every time I look in the mirror this week. I'm going to try and embrace myself as I really am, without adorning myself...the real, the basic me.

If nothing else, I'll learn to not be so paranoid about going out bare-faced, and I'll see that I really don't need to wear quite so much make-up - that the make-up does just that, it 'makes me up' into to something else, instead of enhancing who I really am.

Starting today.

Comments

David St Hubbins

on Apr 25, 2004

Dharma,

Good article. It's good to see people thinking and curious to try different things. Myself, I'm going in the opposite direction. But first I should tell you that back in February when I last quit drugs I was soooooo angry at the world I was actually considering wearing warpaint in public. I can laugh about it now, but I was dead serious at the time. Anyhoo, as the good doctor says, most of my problems solutions involve hard work. This means doing laundry more than once a month, and shaving on a daily basis, among other things. I'm not a complete bum, heheheh, but I could take better care of myself. But on the other hand I do clean up good, and do have nice shirts, ties, suits and shoes from my not too distant past as a grossly overpaid consultant . My weight over the last dozen years has been as high as 225 lbs 6 years ago to my current 160ish. And my experience has been I get a ton more love and respect as a skinny person. So I've seen it from both sides.
I feel like I was the only person listening when Martin Luther King said we should judge a person on the content of their character. I don't give a shit about anything except "Are you a good person?". I feel there is a huuuuuge effect on how I am treated by others based on my appearance. I think image is reality. One real world manifestation of this is the amount of love and respect (same thing?) one gets from others based on one's appearance, which has tangible real world effects. And since I'm an ultrasensitive person, if I'm going to interact with people it makes sense for me to put a lot more effort into looking good. When my SuperSecret internet startup is operational and I am James Bond nemesis-type rich, will I go for botox, hair implants and all that stuff? Hmmm...I'll leave that for another blog entry.
Your experience may differ from mine, though. In any case, good luck this week.

dharmagrl

on Apr 25, 2004

I feel there is a huuuuuge effect on how I am treated by others based on my appearance

There is. I've been on both sides of it too. I've weighed anywhere from (non-pregnant) 160 all the way down to 104, and I have to agree that I get accepted more readily when I'm thin. I take people for their character too, not what they look like...but I'll readily admit that appearance does matter at times.

And since I'm an ultrasensitive person, if I'm going to interact with people it makes sense for me to put a lot more effort into looking good

Me too. Believe it or not, how I look matters to me, and I'm sensitive to criticism from others as well. That's why this week is going to be such a big deal for me. If I didn't give a rat's ass, it would be easy...as it is, I do give a shit, so it's going to be a little more...difficult, I guess.

This week is going to be interesting to say the least. I'm going to try and guage other people's reaction towards me...according to my daughter, I get 'checked out' a lot (apparently I'm losing my mojo so I don't notice it as much)..it's going to be interesting to see if I get checked out as much going around bare faced.

Drop me a line, Dave. I'd love to chat w/you some more.

greywar

on Apr 25, 2004

Speaking strictly from my male perspective, I find women who wear no make-up to be far more attractive than women who wear it. My wife looks gorgeous when she wakes up in the morning and has none of that shit on. She really just puts on make-up and uses several million skin-care products whenever she wants to *feel* pretty. I respect that sometimes she needs to reinforce her own self-image and I try not to give her a rash of shit over it. But trust me, the real woman is much better than the plastered-over construct

dharmagrl

on Apr 25, 2004

You know, Dave has said that I look most beautiful first thing in the morning too.

Must be a guy thing.

dharmagrl

on Apr 25, 2004

As an update...we went swimming this afternoon, and I, in accordance with my plan, went barefaced.

I got hit on. By a college kid. He was very interested in tackling me for the football that my sons and I were tossing around, until I had to tell him to stop. He asked why: I said it was because I was happily married, I was way too old for him, and I was just there to have a good time with my kids. He said I couldn't be more than 7 or 8 years older than him (bless his little heart!)..I am , in fact, almost 16 years older. He asked when I was going to be there again, and I said I didn't know. So, that shot my theory down in flames, and we haven't even got past day one yet!

JeremyG

on Apr 26, 2004

Good stuff! I hate women who wear heavy makeup like foundation. A little something on the eyes and/or lips is ok, but it shoudl be used to bring out the natural features, not replace them.

I'm glad you got hit on too, that should send a clear message!!!

crimson

on Apr 26, 2004

I can't often be bothered with makeup at all. It irritates my skin, and bothers my eyes. Occasionally, I use a little blush or some glitter for nights out, but that's it. I wonder if your skin will feel different without it on.

Mr_Frog

on Apr 26, 2004

Good for you dharma. My wife doesn't wear makeup at all. She has a very naturally pretty face. I've always been attracted to women who are of the minimalist approach with makeup, rather than going down the Tammy Fay Baker route.

-- B

dharmagrl

on Apr 26, 2004

I wonder if your skin will feel different without it on.

It does already. I don't feel so...greasy, I guess.

JillUser

on Apr 26, 2004

I feel I get different reactions when I don't have makeup on but that might just be my interpretation while being sensitive about it..dig? Most of the week I wear either no makeup or just blush and lipstick. I am very fair skinned so I look "corpsy" without a little color. For special occasions I will put more makeup on. I hate mascara!! I have to use the torture device too thanks to short, thin eyelashes. My husband has said that I look beautiful in the morning but it might be a credit to the fact that he is almost blind without his glasses

BTW, I almost never wear foundation (which I think clogs my pores) and have a very clear complexion. I have even been likened to a porcelain doll before. Of course I take that as pale but I am sure it was meant as a compliment.

dharmagrl

on Apr 26, 2004

BTW, I almost never wear foundation (which I think clogs my pores) and have a very clear complexion. I have even been likened to a porcelain doll before.

Ohhh..I wish!!!!!

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