Okay, bad drivers of America, you are attending this lesson this morning because you have, in the past few days, demonstrated your utter stupidity when behind the wheel of a car and total lack of knowledge about the rules of the road.  I am here to remind you what to do when you are faced with some pretty common driving scenarios.

I think that we'll start with one of the most common situations: A Four Way Stop Sign.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not a question of  "I've stopped, therefore I can proceed through the intersection".  Oh no, my dear dumb drivers, it's a little more complicated than that.  When pull up to the intersection, you must use your powers of observation to see who came to a stop BEFORE you and also AFTER you.  See, there's a hierarchy when it comes to a 4-way stop.  The car that came to a stop FIRST is the FIRST one to proceed, and all the other cars follow suit, WAITING THEIR TURN before entering the intersection.  If two cars come to a stop at EXACTLY the same time, then you MUST yield to the car on your right - they get to go before you do.  Also, if you do happen to make a mistake and enter the intersection before it's your turn, it's a VERY bad idea to honk your horn and flip the other drivers off as if THEY were the ones to make a mistake...when in fact it was YOUR error. 

Ok, that's the first situation covered.  Any questions?  Good, let's move on.  I think that the next thing we need to talk about is Interstate entry ramps and how to deal with them.

The entry ramp is designed to give you the opportunity to attain a speed that is similar to that of the vehicles already on the interstate.  It is NOT advisable for you to crawl along at 20mph and spend a mile and a half getting up to the 65mph speed limit; doing so only snares up interstate traffic and creates headaches for everyone involved.  But wait, I'm not finished yet, there's another important part of entry ramp driving that we didn't talk about yet: what to do if there's traffic in the left hand lane as you're trying to enter.  It's of the UTMOST IMPORTANCE that you NOT try to merge, you are to YIELD to traffic already on the highway.  They don't have to yield to you, you are the one who must wait until there is adequate room for you to get off the ramp and into the flow of traffic.  BUT WAIT AGAIN!  There's one more thing: if you are already on the highway and are faced with traffic trying to merge from an entry ramp,  UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE YOU TO BRAKE TO LET THAT TRAFFIC ENTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Doing so is likely to get you rear-ended!!!!!!!!!!  Once again, it is the traffic that's trying to enter that has to yield!!!!!

And now for this morning's last subject: The Traffic Circle (aka the Roundabout)

Traffic that is entering the circle has to yield, not the traffic that's already on the circle!  Braking and coming to a stop whilst on the roundabout is, again, likely to get you rear-ended, and we all know what kind of a pain in the butt (pun intended) that is.  See, it's really quite simple, isn't it?  You have to wait for a break in traffic to get onto the circle, and once on it, you don't yield to oncoming traffic. 

Well, my dear students, this concludes today's lesson.  I hope that you have learned something here, and more importantly, I hope that you will take this knowledge and actually APPLY IT the next time you venture out in your vehicle.

I can hope, right?