Bits and pieces

Random thoughts

Published on October 26, 2006 By dharmagrl In Misc

I'm having a lazy day today. I COULD be mopping the floor, but I don't feel like it. I swept it and did the bare minimum amount of housework that I could - vacuumed, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, swept the kitchen and hallways, made the beds and picked the laundry up off the floor of the kids bathroom - and I've decided that I want to devote today to knitting. I'm finishing one of the baby sweaters and am trying to chart an anarchy symbol and heartagram so I can make beaded wristbands for my kids out of them. I haven't even got dressed yet, I'm still in my pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. I even drove Jake to school this morning dressed like this. I threw a coat and a pair of shoes on and off we went!

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Because I'm having a lazy day, I got to watch Jerry Springer this morning, and what a freak show it was. It don't understand how people can go on national TV and not only embarass themselves, but embarass their loved ones too. If I had cheated on my husband but wanted to work things out with him, I sure as hell wouldn't go on Springer to tell him and ask for his forgiveness - and I CERTAINLY wouldn't bring the person I had cheated on with me so they could duke it out on the stage! I just don't get it - but then I don't get a lot of stuff. I will say this, though: Springer makes me feel better about myself. I sit and think about some of the things I've done in my life that I'm not very proud of (actually, I'm downright ashamed of some of them) and I think that I'm a lowlife bitch for having done them, but compared to the people on the Springer stage....well, I should be sporting wings and a halo compared to some of them! There are moms screwing their daughters husbands, best friends sleeping with each other's boyfriends, men cheating on one transvestite with another.....it's all very sordid, and it's almost ALWAYS about sex. I don't find that the least bit surprising.

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Grace has slept on the bed with us for the past 2 nights. She usually sleeps in her crate because we felt like we couldn't trust her to not pee or poop in the house if she's left to her own devices whilst the rest of us are sleeping. However, the past 2 nights she's slept on the bed and hasn't gone potty in the house once. Dave gets up to go to the gym at 0530 and we were worried that Grace would want to get up with him, but she hasn't stirred and has slept until I get up. She's also figured out that her place is at the END of the bed, not in the middle between Dave and I. So, her sleeping on the bed might become a regular thing.

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Dave's been working out and has packed on some muscle. He's buff now, and people are noticing. It's easy to see when he's wearing a T-shirt and jeans; the sleeves are too tight because his biceps and triceps have grown, as has his chest. He's still got some self-esteem issues and SAYS he doesn't like it when I tell him how hot he is, but I think that he secretly DOES like it. He comes home and tells me that the guys at work have been commenting about his physique, and I'm not surprised at all. I've got some photos of him with his Tshirt off, flexing, but I'm under a threat of serious bodily harm if I show them to anyone else (no, he wouldn't ever hit me or hurt me, so it's not a REAL threat. He'd just be pissed off and hurt if I broke my promise, and I don't want to hurt him or embarass him like that). I'll try and persuade him to let me take some with his shirt on - maybe he'll let me post them here if he's clothed.

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My boss at the hospice called this morning to let me know that the training for ambassadorship is Friday of next week, and also to let me know what nursing home I'll be liasing with. I'm so looking forward to doing this; I've never been an ambassador for ANYTHING before so it's going to be a totally new experience for me!

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I was reading the comments left on my article about being asked to be an ambassador. They're all very positive and most of them tell me that I'm perfect for the job and I deserve it and so on.....for some reason, those kind of comments make me uncomfortable. I feel....I dunno how to explain it. I just don't take praise well, you know? I don't like it when people tell me I'm wonderful or talented or a sweetheart or an angel or whatever. I don't know what to say in response to those kind of comments; 'thank you' seems so trite and I don't want to say 'no, I'm not like that' because I think it would be rude to do that. I guess I don't have a high opinion of myself, and I don't have time for others who have high opinions of themselves - which is why Lucas Bailey pisses me off so bad - so I'm not sure how to deal with comments like that.

Alright, I've rambled on for long enough. I've got knitting to do!

Comments

Moderateman

on Oct 26, 2006

you could just accept it that SOME people think you are lovely or caring, and be done with it.

Dr Guy

on Oct 26, 2006

I think you hit Jerry Springer on the head. I dont know what motivates people to go on his show, but it remains popular because it does let most people feel good about themselves.

And Dittos to MM.

Trudygolightly

on Oct 26, 2006

How about if I tell you that life is unfolding as it should and you're where you belong, that what you're going to be doing is a good fit for you and them?

I"m having a lazy day too, still in jammies....it's an "early Friday" kinda day

Martimus

on Oct 26, 2006

I know what you mean by always being self depreciating. (That probably doesn't make any sense, but I don't feel like rewriting the first sentence to something easier to comprehend) I have always been like that, and when I do start to think highly of myself for anything, I feel like crap. I really wish that I didn't denigrate my ex-girlfriend for the way she treated me. It just isn't really who I am. I let her friend get me into putting her down since she spends every waking minute trying to denigrate those around her and I let myself get sucked in to do the same. I still can't believe what is going on.

Martimus

on Oct 26, 2006

Anyway, I am sure that you do deserve the appointment. I hope that you really enjoy this new job.

dharmagrl

on Oct 26, 2006

you could just accept it that SOME people think you are lovely or caring, and be done with it.

I could, but that's hard too. See, I live with me; I see me being nasty and mean and lazy and sometimes not worthy of any praise at all.

I am trying, MM. And, I'll continue to try.

It's called the Cinderella Syndrome because at some weird fundamental level we feel like fakes, like flukes, like it's not really US accomplishing these things, and at the stroke of midnight it's all gonna turn to shit and we'll find ourselves exposed for the frauds we are. I go through the same thing at work all the time,

That's EXACTLY how I feel, and whilst I think that you are very deserving of praise, I'm also glad that you feel the same thing - because it makes me feel not to alone.

All I can say is that learning to accept a compliment graciously is as much a learned social skill as giving one is, and to deflect them deprives the person giving the compliment of the enjoyment they deserve, so just smile, say thanks, and walk away knowing better.

You're right. Negating a compliment can be very offensive, so I'm better off accepting it with a 'thank you, you're very kind to say so' and leaving it at that.

I dont know what motivates people to go on his show, but it remains popular because it does let most people feel good about themselves.

Exactly. Almost anyone can watch any given episode and feel SOOOOO much better about themselves. Everyone can feel superior to SOMEone on Springer. Even if you're a toothless redneck trailertrash hillbilly, you can still feel superior to another toothless redneck trailertrash hillbilly who's screwing her daughter's husband and who plans to elope with him as soon as his divorce comes through. There's always someone worse than yourself on Springer.

dharmagrl

on Oct 26, 2006

How about if I tell you that life is unfolding as it should and you're where you belong, that what you're going to be doing is a good fit for you and them?
I"m having a lazy day too, still in jammies....it's an "early Friday" kinda day

That works for me, Trudy. Thank you!

I LOVE lazy days. If it were up to me, I'd spend at least one day a week like this!

It makes sense, Marty. Perfect sense.

I don't know if people who put others down at every opportunity are egotistical or simply insecure. I don't know if they're denigrating others in order to make themselves feel better or because they really do believe that they're better than everyone else. It's easy to get sucked into, though, so don't beat yourself up for it too much.

I hope that you really enjoy this new job

I hope so too. I think that I will; I've enjoyed every other opportunity they've given me - and I know that that sounds really bad, given that part of my job is helping people die, but it's honestly the most rewarding I have ever done (apart from getting married and having babies, that is).

Texas Wahine

on Oct 26, 2006

Doesn't sound like much of a lazy day to me! At least you've gotten some housework done. I haven't even started my chores yet, and I've got a LOOOONG list of things I need to do.

Congrats on your ambassadorship. You do very important work, and even though you feel uncomfortable with compliments, I hope somewhere deep inside you feel proud and satisfied, knowing that you give of yourself in a way that many can't or won't and that you actually make a difference in this world.

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