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Published on April 13, 2004 By dharmagrl In Misc


I'm not in the greatest of moods..the anger I felt yesterday had mostly disappated and all that's left is apathy and sadness. I feel like crying, and I HAVE cried. Not for myself, but for my husband, our friends, their families....everyone that's in the same situation I am. Any woman who's love has left her to go serve his country in a foreign land. This war, this conflict...whilst I understand the reasons we're there - I may not agree with some of them, but I DO understand them - has become a huge issue for me, almost overnight. I had become so wrapped up in my own issues that I somehow managed to ignore what was going on in the rest of the world. I don't like being forced back into reality, I would have preferred (as I'm sure most people would) to have done it on my own terms. I'm just so saddened by the whole thing, dig? 650 + Americans, killed. Dying away from home, away from those who loved them the most...dying in the sand, dust and dirt, dying violently. I cannot help but think about how scared they must have been....if they knew they were going to die and wished with all their hearts for one last chance to talk to their families and tell them just how much they loved them. I wonder what they would have said if they had been given that opportunity...

650+ Americans who left home with assurances and promises that they would return, leaving behind cars they thought they'd drive on their return, clothes they thought they'd wear, possessions they thought they'd need or use...who left with plans and promises of engagements and marriages when they returned, of vacations to Disney Land or the Bahamas to somehow try and make up for the time they had to spend away..

650+ Americans who probably truly believed with all they had in them that they WOULD be coming home, because they weren't going to be in that much danger, because they were highly trained and skilled and knew what they were doing, because they had colleagues who wouldn't let them fail or fall...who believed that they had GOD on their side and that HE would protect and look after them...

650+ families left to grieve, to mourn, to scream and holler in pain because the one they loved has been taken from them, to cry and weep and sob because that's ALL they can DO, they're so blinded and crippled by sorrow. Families who had to see that dreaded dress-uniformed officer walking up to their door (any military family member will tell you of the dread of seeing that - that's only ever done when someone is dead), who had to listen while soft words of supposed comfort were spoken to them about how their loved one died for a noble cause - all the while probably wanting to scream at the speaker that they don't know anything about a 'noble cause', that their kids/husband/lover/father/friend is DEAD, gone......DEAD, taken.....

650+ families left to pick up the pieces, to sweep up the hearts and shut them away. To take the clothes to the Goodwill, sell the cars, go through the love letters and journals, to maybe find the ring that was going to be given in fulfilment of the promises made upon the warrior's return....familes having to be strong, to keep going, to try and do the best they can to cope with their loss day after day after day...families watching the news and seeing reports of MORE Americans dying and feeling overwhelming sympathy and empathy for the family of the newest loss because they've been there, they know what it's like; what they're going through.

That, to me, is the real, the human face of war. Like I said, it's all so fucking sad.....

Comments
on Apr 13, 2004
dharmagrl: I have no comment, I just wanted you to know that you've been heard, but it may be a while before the weight of your words sinks in.
on Apr 13, 2004
It is real and it is sad. I don't think anyone goes off to war thinking they will get killed. I think we all have a bit of denial about things happening to us. Other people get killed, sure, but not me, right.

When you talked of people leaving with promises of engagements or marriage on return, it made me think of a friend of mine from high school. He didn't go off to a foreign land though, his war was with leukemia. He had every intention of winning the war and returning to marry his fiance. He was 19. How could he die? He fought a good fight but he lost. He wasn't in a foreign land in reality but he was in his mind. He told me a couple of days before he died that they had him on so many drugs he thought he was on the counter of a 7/11 store and his dialisis machine was a slurpy machine.

I know that story has nothing to do with our country fighting this war. It does have something to do with the sadness you are delving into here. I have had friends in the military that feel they and their families are able to prepare for the worst in some respects. The families affected by the events of 9/11 and other acts of terror didn't have that opportunity. Those people just headed off to work with every intention of continuing life as they had always known it. I think our wonderful fighting men and women hope to prevent more families from dealing with that situation. It is the ultimate in self sacrifice and there is no way we can ever repay them for it.
on Apr 13, 2004
Yes, I think I'm more prepared for the worst than the average joe in more than one way. Dave's not only in the military, he's a cop to boot...kind of a double whammy. I still have the occasional nightmare about a Col. in dress blues marching up to the door though....



on Apr 13, 2004
dharma, I get chills whenever I see that in a movie, I can't imagine facing the reality of it. It is much easier to think about war when you think about "soldiers" rather than having specific names. I learned about WWII from text books but it was a whole different education to talk to my grandfather and his buddies from the VFW. To hear their stories and see their missing limbs, now that is education that gets to your heart and not just to your mind.
on Apr 13, 2004
dharma,
I understand where you are coming from.
I am a Navy wife. My hubby won't go on any ship, no, he goes to Bahrain. *sigh*
I am very proud of ALL who serve OUR country. And also saddened by the grief suffered by the loss of life.
No matter what, I could never prepare myself for the Marine walking to my door.
In the words of my mother.....(and I am sure some famous person)
This too shall pass.
on Apr 13, 2004
Crazy - I know where you're coming from. I'm proud to be an 'AF Wife'....and I don't care what anyone says, sometimes you and I do almost as much to serve our country as our husbands do.

I used to have a poem about that...I'll go look for it.
on Apr 13, 2004
War is hell, that's for sure.
on Apr 13, 2004
Yes, it is. I wish that more people could see the human aspect of it...and be maybe a little less concerned about the political and idealogical why and wherefores.
on Apr 13, 2004
Although there are wars that seem so reasonable that they are just inevitable, most of the others could have been avoided. But nevertheless, you and your husband are caught up into it. I hope his term of duty comes quickly and he returns safely. I know that it must be hell for both of you.
on Apr 13, 2004
The human aspect of war is largely missed due to the fact that only a very small percentage of our population has to have even *indirect* contact with it. Military communities have it well in hand however as it routinely strikes us close to home. Even for those of us in the military who work in support jobs like myself have only a peripheral grasp of the human reality of war. My unit may deploy to a war zone, but it is very likely that I an most of my friends will remain behind due to the nature of our work. For those who 'go forward" war becomes exponentially more real in a heartbeat than it will even be for any of us "in the rear with the gear". I can only empathize and offer them whatever support I can insufficient as it may be.
on Apr 13, 2004
Dude, you do just as important a job. You serve your country as much as the next guy. You're right, we do have it well in hand, and it DOES hit us close to home...the deployments with less than 24hrs notice, to locations we can only guess at, the not knowing when they're going to come home....or what they're doing...having to make do with a 10 min phone call every 4 days (if you're lucky, usually it's less than that)...people just don't see that part of it.

I sound like I'm complaining, don't I? I'm not. I love my husband, I love this life we have created for ourselves. Each and every deployment I make it through alone makes me a better person; it makes me feel more and more like I'm doing a job for this country, like I'm giving something instead of sitting on my ass and taking.

on Apr 13, 2004
It is hell. It is hard hearing the news. Harder than anyone could possibly imagine.

It doesn't get easier after the first one, either. It gets harder and harder and scarier and sadder and it just feels like it wrecks your whole outlook on life.

Everyone I knew in Iraq has died. Now when I find out that someone I know is going to Iraq, it's like hearing they have inoperable cancer that will surely take their life in a few short months. But they will die healthy and strong. I suppose if I found out that someone I love has cancer, inoperable and incurable, this is how I'd feel.

Hopeless. Lost. Scared. Sad. Sick. Tired.

That's all I am now. Tired. I suppose that's depression, but I don't feel it any other way.

Funny thing, I was listening to Ave Maria when I found this blog, and I have a candle going nearby. It's like a funeral, or a wake... Preparing myself for this Thursday, I suppose.

God bless all the men and women fighting in Iraq, and I pray that they don't return in a box.

~Anne
on Apr 13, 2004
I'm sorry, Anne. I really am. I can imagine how desolate you must feel.

Just know that we're here for you if you need/want us to be. Some of us here have a better grasp of what it's like than others...but I'm sure that even those who are somewhat removed from it will support you if you need it.

Hang in there, kid.
on Apr 13, 2004
Dharma~

Thank you so much.

It means a lot.

~Anne