Letting go...

Published on April 1, 2004 By dharmagrl In Philosophy

I was reading about attachment and desire today. Buddhist philosophy is that attachment and desire lead to suffering (Dukkha), but that's not what I'm blogging about. I found an excerpt from my book that I think describes attachment very well:

'What happens when we do not let go?

Asians have a very clever trap for catching monkeys. People hollow out a coconut, put something sweet in it, and make a hole at the bottom of the coconut just big enough for the monkey to slide its open hand it, but not big enough for the monkey to withdraw its hand as a fist. The attach the coconut to a tree, and the monkey comes along and gets trapped. What keeps the monkey trapped? Only the force of desire, of clinging, of attachment. All the monkey has to do is let go of the sweet, open its hand, slip it out, and be free. But only a very rare monkey will do that.'
Joseph Goldstein 'Transforming The Mind, Healing The World'

I can think of a couple of things that I'm trapped in my desire for....things that I really do need to let go of, because they're destructive and emotionally painful. All this time I had deceived myself into thinking that it would be a long process, that it would be hard and I didn't know if I could do it...when really all I have to do is open my hand and not allow myself to be trapped anymore.

So, what are YOU clinging on to? What's stopping YOU from opening your hand and freeing yourself?

Comments

Sherye Hanson

on Apr 01, 2004

This is a very wonderful blog. I've heard that story many times, but didn't associate it with lettting go. I have let go of a lot of thing in my life and it has been painful thinking about doing it, but actually doing it is easy. Other things took longer to let go of and after I did I still felt bad because I couldn't have what I wanted, but eventually I healed.

dharmagrl

on Apr 02, 2004

it has been painful thinking about doing it, but actually doing it is easy

Isn't it strange how thinking about it hurts and is scary, but actually doing it isn't so bad? It never ceases to amaze me...today I let something go. I made up my mind that I was going to do it, and I did it.

Sherye Hanson

on Apr 02, 2004

I think that we are like the monkey. If we don't get what we want right now, we'll never get what we want. Wednesday I wanted to run away from home, because I was overwhelmed, but I kept my appointments anyway and at the end of the day felt good. Yesterday I decided not to leave town. I had a great day. For me the letting go was of the feeling that I couldn't handle things, but I can and I did. I don't have control, but I can do things that make me happy.

JillUser

on Apr 02, 2004

I trap myself with worry. I worry about letting go of my children to allow them to do things on their own. When I do, it is good for all of us. I over think it though and end up dwelling on worst case scenarios.

MadPoet41

on Apr 02, 2004

This is very good stuff. I'm glad I was able to read some of your work. I used to live in Chicago. Was actually born and raised there. But now I'm living in the great Pacific Northwest. Anyway, around seven years ago, I was feeling totally overwhelmed by my way of life. I was seriously in debt because of student loans. And having to pay an astronomical amount of money just to rent an apartment on campus. I ended up getting so stressed out by it all, that I started drinking heavily again. NOT A GOOD THING. Because I'm a recovering alcoholic. So after I nearly drank myself to death, and finally started to come back to my senses, I asked myself what would it take to put my mind at ease? And the answer came to me: GET THE HELL OUT OF CHICAGO. Let go of this crazy notion that only a college education is gonna make you happy. It seemed like an insane idea at first. I mean, I owned thousands of books I wanted to keep, and had some very nice pieces of furniture, and hundreds of record albums and blah, blah, blah. But the more I thought about--I realized I could not remain in that city and stay alive too. So I called the Salvation Army in a hurry, and told them to come and pick up everything I owned. They could sell it for a good cause. Then I packed up a small suitcase, and hopped on a bus headed towards the Pacific Northwest. And I've been here ever since. It's true--I don't have a college degree now. And I still have to battle my psychological demons. But I also am managing to stay completely alcohol free: seven years and still counting. And as afraid as I was to let go of all the things I owned in Chicago--I'll never forget what it felt like to be sitting on that bus headed west: It was liberating. There's really no other word for it. I was finally allowing myself to be guiltless and free. Thank you for writing this! You have brought back a very pleasant memory for me.

JillUser

on Apr 02, 2004

Wow MadPoet, that was an inspiring story. Congrats on the 7+yrs alcohol free! That is such a huge accomplishment on its own.

dharma, thanks for the great article! JU is my fitness center for the brain. Keeps me exercising what could easily atrofy away at home with kids.

dharmagrl

on Apr 02, 2004

Thank you for sharing...and thank you for visiting my blog!

Dude, I still struggle with depression. I still have good days and bad days, and what I write reflects that. I still cry for no reason sometimes - like today. I'm just sad at heart, and I don't know why. The key though, is recognising it for what it is, and also recognising the small steps we take as huge improvments for those of us who are 'emotionally challenged'.

I also know about using substances to dull the pain of living. That's all I'm going to say about that.

I'm glad that you got out of Chicago before it killed you. I'm slightly envious that you're living in the PacNW; that's one place I've always wanted to go and live...maybe in 2008 when we come back from England...but who knows...!?

Jill, you and I are kindred spirits; that's one of the reasons I blog...!!

Everett Lee

on Apr 02, 2004

I consider myself essencially a buddhist without the label. The label itself is something that people hold onto. I would like to say that letting go is the heart of Buddhism. Internalize that lesson and think about it everyday and the psychic knots will start to loosen.

dharmagrl

on Apr 02, 2004

Exactly, Everett. There's a quote regarding Buddha vs Buddhist, actually:

'A student once said : When I was a Buddhist, it drove my parents and friends crazy, but when I am a buddha nobody is upset at all." '

- Jon Kabat Zinn, 'Wherever You Go, There You Are'.

I think that's very, very true...

Tangled Wishes

on Apr 06, 2004

I can't let go of the past. I don't know why, I just have never been able to.

Hopefully someday...

~Anne

JillUser

on Apr 06, 2004

My quote in my Sr yearbook was "Wherever you go, there you are." Everyone else was writing stuff like, "Summer of 88' Party!" and goofy, mindless stuff. My graduation was actually when I learned that thinking about letting go is harder than doing it. I grew up in a small town, graduated class of 88' with 88 in our class. I went to school with most of them from preschool on. I thought my world was ending since I wouldn't be seeing those people every day anymore. Little did I know that life was only beginning.

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!