I'm in the doghouz.

But I'm not quite sure why....

Published on March 25, 2004 By dharmagrl In Home & Family

2 of my kids aren't speaking to me.

It's because of the piercing.

My son, Davey, initially had a cow and told me I needed to take it out. He's calmed down some, but is still a little reserved. I'm not surprised, I kind of expected that from him.

My daughter, however, is a different matter. Of all of them, I thought that she'd be a little more accepting of it.

Shea is 11 1/2, and is a practicing Buddhist. She latched onto it a couple of years ago after watching and listening to me, and has been happy with it ever since. We've tried to expose all of them to as much spiritual diversity as we possibly can, so they could make their own choices. So far we have one Buddhist, one Christian, and one leaning towards Christianity but really too young to understand (that's Jake). Shea really is wise beyond her years; some days she just blows me away with her profoundness (i think that's a word!?). That's why I just don't get why she's so upset with me about this monroe....she's all for indivduality, and has been overheard telling her friends "Yeah, my mom's cool. She's got tattoos and doesn't care what other people think" She's been PROUD that I'm a little-off center in the past....I just don't get why she's being this way now. Worst part is, she won't talk to me.

Oh, gotta go. Shea just said she had a bad day.....that's a start, at least she's speaking to me.

Comments

Sherye Hanson

on Mar 25, 2004

No matter what they say, children want their moms to look and act like moms. Especially when they are older. My son would be embarrassed when I wored mocassins. And if you live near an air force base, the other children's moms are probably more conservative than you are. That's just a guess. Possibly someone at school said something about you and they were embarrassed.
They'll get over it. As long as you are a good mom and a loving wife, then wearing a ring in your lip, shouldn't matter. And in the end it won't.

A friend of mine was a dancer and her children complained all the time about having to go to her rehearsals. Then when they grew up they were very proud of their mother because she was a dancer. Many mothers make children the center of their world. As a result they become boring people. You on the other hand are being yourself. Eventually they will be proud.

dharmagrl

on Mar 25, 2004

You know what I said about Davey perhaps coming to terms with it....? Yeah, scratch that. He threw a fit, an absolute cow. Tore his glasses off his face, screwed them up and threw them against the wall. They're broken beyond repair...

I'm about done with this kid.. ..he has temper issues, and I wish I knew how to get through to him.

We've had a talk about individuality since I've been writing this, and he's come to a kind of understanding of where I'm coming from. He wants to get scarlet highlights in his hair, and I don't have a problem doing that for him, not at all...I told him I'd do it tomorrow if he wanted me to....which led to a chat about how he likes to look a certain way, and so do I...and about how it's all individual choice, that's all.

Shea, his sister, apparently had a rotten day at school, and coming home to see me with a barbell in my lip was the frosting on her bad-day cake. She's speaking to me now, and came to my defence when her brother had his meltdown.

Maybe I have made some headway.....I really, really hope so....

dharmagrl

on Mar 25, 2004

Thanks so much Sherye, I really needed to hear that from someone else...another mom, another woman.

I feel better now...

Dan Kaschel

on Mar 25, 2004

The word is profundity, if you wanted to know.

And yeah, my first question when I finished the article was "where is the piercing?" But they'll get over it. Kids always do.

~Dan

dharmagrl

on Mar 25, 2004

Well, thank you Dan. I learned something I did not know just now.

dharmagrl

on Mar 25, 2004

They're getting over it. They wanted to see it and then told me why they didn't like it (sticks out of my face a little and looks "gross")...but everyone agreed that once I get the smaller version installed next week it won't look AS bad.

Apparently they had/have issues with my ending up looking like a woman down the street who has her eyebrow, nostril, septum, lip, tongue and labret done. I've reassured them that this will be my ONLY facial piercing, which seems to have helped a bit.

Anyway, we'll see how it goes over at the parent-teacher conferences next week...I'm sure it'll start some tongues wagging.

JillUser

on Mar 25, 2004

My older son had a fit when I recently got a perm. He said I looked "hideous". I said, "Gee, thanks sweety". He has a real problem with me changing my appearance. He is even afraid of me losing much weight. He is afraid I will look like a different person. When I told him it would help me live longer he seemed to come to terms with it. I told him that my hairdo made me feel better about myself. He was still mad at me for a few days but got over it.

First our parents determine what we do then our kids do!

dharmagrl

on Mar 26, 2004

I know!! What's up with that?! I thought that when I grew up and moved away from home I'd be able to do what I wanted without much hassle from anyone else...and I now find that my kids think they can tell me what to do and when to do it!

KarmaGirl

on Mar 26, 2004

Are you my twin? I swear I have had that same conversation. My Mom always told me "when you grow up, you can do anything you want". What a lie! My Mom even still bugs me about stuff I do.

I have just the opposite- my daughter wants to be just like me. If I get my hair cut- she wants hers cut. She wanted me to dye her hair to be the same color as mine (I dye mine darker to cover the thinning spots). She wants her ears pierced. The ear piercing is a big issue. She is only 5 but wants earrings. I want her to be old enough to really make that choice and to be able to take care of them. However, I'm not sure how long I will be able to reason it out since I have 9 earrings. I have to watch what I do to make sure that she doesn't want to do the same.

dharmagrl

on Mar 26, 2004

Shea is like me, but not just like me...she has longer blonder hair, and mine (as you saw) is short and dark. She adopted Buddhism, and is fierce about her choice (hmm, wonder where she gets that from??!!) and is pretty independant about her decisions. She has 2 earrings in each ear...and wants more. She particularly wants her cartilage pierced, and after my latest piercing it's only going to be a matter of time before I have to agree to let her get it done.

Do you make keloids, Karma? Is that why you can't get pierced anywhere other than your ears? I made a small keloid on the underside of my tongue, and if I get an infection in a wound or incision I'll make more scar tissue than most people - granulomas, I think they're called. That's basically what the lump in my breast was...

KarmaGirl

on Mar 26, 2004

Do you make keloids, Karma?

Yes, in a serious way. I had my thyroid partially removed when I was 18. I recently had to have the rest removed and the scar tissue was almost the mass of the gland. That scar was almost 13 years old and was still extremely visible---- now I have one that is completely that purple/pink color and quite raised. I can only imagine what would happen if I pierced part of my face. I even had problems with a coupe of my ear piercings.

dharmagrl

on Mar 26, 2004

Yes, I can imagine what the results would be if you got pierced...too risky, especially on your face.

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