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Published on March 23, 2004 By dharmagrl In Misc
I haven't felt needed much of late.

I mean, I feel neccessary around my home - who else is going to wash dirty socks and clean toilets - but apart from that I've felt at a loose end.

I used to volunteer over at the base Legal Office, and quite enjoyed myself. Made friends with an attorney over there who thought I wrote well and gave me stuff to do. In particular I wrote letters of affirmation for Line Of Duty (LOD) cases. The involved going through the files, reading all the information and the Investigating Officer's (IO) summary, and condensing all of the information into a letter that either agreed or disagreed with the IO's conclusions. I liked that, it made me feel smart and capable of something else other than mothering. Not that I dislike mothering or think that it's not a worthy job; I made the choice to stay home with my kids and thoroughly enjoyed myself - but now they're older, more self sufficient, and when they're at school I'm home alone with not much to do, except study and clean. I stopped going over to Legal for a number of reasons...I got sick, the kids were ill, Dave came home...there was always something else that took priority, it seemed.

So, yesterday I went over to talk to M (the attorney, in respect of his privacy we'll just call him that) to see what was going on. We chatted for a bit about an incident that'd happened on base last week, and he mentioned that it was a good thing that I was 'in the know' about it because I'd eventually have my hands and eyes on it .I asked him if he'd have anything for me to do if I came back and volunteered over there. He pointed to a stack of files on his desk and said "See that? All of those need worked on. I need someone who can write to work on them. That'd be..." and he pointed at me.

That simple statement, that simple gesture, gave me such a feeling of...worth, I suppose. I know I'm half-way intelligent, I know I write reasonably well, I know I'm a good person, a decent Mom, and so on and so forth...but to feel necessary for who I am and what I can do by someone other than my kids and my husband...well, that was really a good feeling. It's not a paying job, but to be honest that really doesn't matter. The feeling of accomplishment I get from working over there makes up for the lack of monetary compensation. I'll get letters of recommendation and reference when I leave, and the experience is wonderful because I'll be able to use it when I get my PI license later this year...and I can make my own hours, something I highly doubt I'd be able to find in any paying job right now. So, it's a win - win situation, really.

I'm going back on Monday next week. Hopefully M'll have a stack of files 3 feet high for me to get stuck into.

Comments
on Mar 23, 2004
Good for you Dharma. We all feel that way from time to time (well I do anyway), but often it doesn't take a lot to turn it around. The other day when I was feeling pretty worthless, you had some kind words for me - I needed that! I suspect you're needed by a lot more people than you think...
on Mar 23, 2004
Corio! I'm glad to see you decided to stay.....

It's all karma, dude.....
on Mar 23, 2004
i'm just glad that there are people like you in the world... if someone handed me a stack of paperwork and files, i wouldn't feel needed, i'd feel like they didn't like me...

i'm glad that it works for you though!

on Mar 23, 2004
See, MJ, it's not just paperwork...it satisfies my nosiness and curiosity. I get to look at stuff other people don't normally see, I get to read witness statements and police reports and look at physical evidence; it makes me think about the circumstances surrounding the accident/incident to see if the course of action the person took was the logical one, the safe one...you know what the Line Of Duty program is about, so you have a better idea of what kind of things I'll be dealing with.

It also makes me work my knowledge of legal procedure and the UCMJ...always a good thing.
on Mar 23, 2004
I like to have something in my life that gives me a sense of accomplishment. Laundry doesn't do it since laundry is never done!

I can relate to what you are saying Dharma. I can also relate to that particular interest. I served as a juror on a murder trial and found it quite fascinating.
on Mar 23, 2004
Laundry doesn't do it since laundry is never done!

Unfortunately, I know this all too well......

I don't get to dabble in anything as interesting as homicide, tho...I'm kinda jealous that you did! I do have a couple of Trial of Court Martials that I have to sit in on next week...child molestation and stautory rape, both of them. Those are going to be fun....
on Mar 23, 2004
I know I'm half-way intelligent, I know I write reasonably well, I know I'm a good person, a decent Mom, and so on and so forth...but to feel necessary for who I am and what I can do by someone other than my kids and my husband...


See, that's the stuff that freaks me out. I am doing all I can to keep it together for me and Kole. Sometimes, when I even think about letting anyone else into my life I can't even imagine it. One kid, two kids, three kids and a husband, not to mention pets, plant life, and anything/anyone else that depends on me... oh boy.
As far as a job goes, I am a lot happier knowing that I am doing something worthwhile. It's something that I can be proud of for me, even though Kole and my family gets the benefits from it, too. I'm glad you've found something that interests you. There's all to many people who just stick to doing the easy things, instead of the satisfying things that require a lot of effort but is worthwhile.

on Mar 23, 2004
I think that this is a common problem for mothers or women who for whatever reason don't work. We love our families, but we need to use our brain. I think that only compulsive housekeepers are happy just being at home. Volunteer work is a hidden part of the economy. Without it a lot of things would never get done. I certainly went through this during different times of my life.
on Mar 24, 2004
We love our families, but we need to use our brain.

Sherye, you hit the nail on the head.
on Mar 24, 2004
. Volunteer work is a hidden part of the economy. Without it a lot of things would never get done.

I agree. With funding cutbacks, layoffs, etc., small organizations have had no choice in regards to being able to hire someone. A lot of these organizations are run on a not-for-profit basis, so cannot afford to hire anyone that is needed to get the job done. Volunteering is becoming a recognized service in our community for the above reason. It's too bad that the volunteer cannot get paid for the important work that they do, however, there must be some other way to show appreciation for a job well done.

on Mar 24, 2004
There is, as far as I'm concerned. I get on-the-job training, I learn a new skill, and I get letters of reference and recommendation from the people I worked with and for when I leave. I can also be nominated for the Volunteer of the Quarter award (more recognition). To me, the sense of accomplishment is as good as a paycheck...and this experience is going to serve me well in the future.
on Mar 24, 2004
Exactly. I like to see the trend in colleges to require volunteer work as part of graduation. I suspect a lot of people have learned their job as volunteers.
on Mar 24, 2004
Sometimes, when I even think about letting anyone else into my life I can't even imagine it. One kid, two kids, three kids and a husband,


let me know when you change your mind Nic...