I haven't felt needed much of late.
I mean, I feel neccessary around my home - who else is going to wash dirty socks and clean toilets - but apart from that I've felt at a loose end.
I used to volunteer over at the base Legal Office, and quite enjoyed myself. Made friends with an attorney over there who thought I wrote well and gave me stuff to do. In particular I wrote letters of affirmation for Line Of Duty (LOD) cases. The involved going through the files, reading all the information and the Investigating Officer's (IO) summary, and condensing all of the information into a letter that either agreed or disagreed with the IO's conclusions. I liked that, it made me feel smart and capable of something else other than mothering. Not that I dislike mothering or think that it's not a worthy job; I made the choice to stay home with my kids and thoroughly enjoyed myself - but now they're older, more self sufficient, and when they're at school I'm home alone with not much to do, except study and clean. I stopped going over to Legal for a number of reasons...I got sick, the kids were ill, Dave came home...there was always something else that took priority, it seemed.
So, yesterday I went over to talk to M (the attorney, in respect of his privacy we'll just call him that) to see what was going on. We chatted for a bit about an incident that'd happened on base last week, and he mentioned that it was a good thing that I was 'in the know' about it because I'd eventually have my hands and eyes on it .I asked him if he'd have anything for me to do if I came back and volunteered over there. He pointed to a stack of files on his desk and said "See that? All of those need worked on. I need someone who can write to work on them. That'd be..." and he pointed at me.
That simple statement, that simple gesture, gave me such a feeling of...worth, I suppose. I know I'm half-way intelligent, I know I write reasonably well, I know I'm a good person, a decent Mom, and so on and so forth...but to feel necessary for who I am and what I can do by someone other than my kids and my husband...well, that was really a good feeling. It's not a paying job, but to be honest that really doesn't matter. The feeling of accomplishment I get from working over there makes up for the lack of monetary compensation. I'll get letters of recommendation and reference when I leave, and the experience is wonderful because I'll be able to use it when I get my PI license later this year...and I can make my own hours, something I highly doubt I'd be able to find in any paying job right now. So, it's a win - win situation, really.
I'm going back on Monday next week. Hopefully M'll have a stack of files 3 feet high for me to get stuck into.