I'm in love.
He's been all I can think about in the past couple of days.
The way he smells...I can still smell him faintly on the shirt he left behind. I put it on a pillow and I sleep with it...it's almost like he's still here.
The things he does..I see so much of him in our sons. Nuances of their Dad, little quirks they've inherited - the way the eldest holds his pencil; the way the youngest eats his cereal...miniature versions of him running around our house.
The way he sounds...such a deep, masculine voice. I remember how it feels when I lay my head on his chest and listen to him speak...I can feel his voice rumbling around in there like thunder.
Me, wandering around our house, looking at, touching his things... sleeping with his shirt, his picture next to our bed. He's the last thing I see when I fall asleep and the first thing I turn to look at when I wake up.... listening to the CD's he left behind, reminiscing about times we shared listening to those songs, fantasizing about how we'd dance to them if he were here..about how we WILL dance to them when he comes home again. Waiting for the phone to ring, waiting to hear his voice...just to hear the soud of his voice.
I am constantly amazed at how deep my emotions for this man go. I'm in awe that after so many years, so many problems, times when both of us have felt like throwing in the towel and walking away - that we're still together, still in love, and that it really, truly does just keep getting better. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that I wouldn't do for him. Nothing is too much, no distance is too far...no problem is too great for us to overcome. I am so much more, so much a better person with him than I am without him. He's my touchstone, my center...my rock to cling to or to hide behind when theings get tough. I'm not one half of a whole, I'm one half of a pair...each of us able to function alone but capable of so much more together.
I'm in love....so in love.