Sick of it

Published on March 17, 2006 By dharmagrl In Health & Medicine

It's happened again.

Just when I think that I've put it all behind me, I'm reminded once again of the car accident I had.

The force of the impact dislocated both my shoulders. The left one gives me trouble every so often - it likes to slide partially out and irritate the big bundle or nerves that supplies feeling to my arm and hand. You know the pain you get when you hit your funny bone? It's like that, except it's all the way from my armpit to my fingertips.

It partially slid out the day before yesterday, causing the muscles in my upper back to spasm and add to the pain. So, I went to the doctor to see if he had any suggestions for me on how to fix it and relieve the pain.

He ordered a shoulder instability series of X-rays - I've never had those done before; I've always had the ones where I had to stand up. There had me lying down and even had me on my belly with my arm hanging off the table.

This new series showed yet another problem. I have a separated shoulder Link . That means that the ligaments that hold my collarbone up and next to my wing bone have torn and aren't doing their job properly. That would account for the shoulder pain I get when it hasn't dislocated (partially or otherwise).

So, I have yet another injury to add to the long list of things I messed up. I'm so tired of this, I really am. I keep thinking that I'm past it, that everything that got broken has been fixed....and then we find something else that got broken or messed up in some way and the whole thing comes back to me again, as plain as day and twice as ugly.

I've accepted that my life is going to be forever changed by my back injury and the nerve damage that I have. I know that this shoulder injury isn't the end of the world, that things could be much, much worse. I know that I'm lucky.....

......but when is it all going to stop? In how many more ways can I have messed myself up? When am I going to stop hearing 'it's your accident that caused this?'

I'm so sick of this. I'm tired of being broken, and just when I think I'm fixed being told 'you're broken' again.

Like I said, it's not the end of the world, but it sure does make me sad.

Comments

Tova7

on Mar 17, 2006

I'm sorry your in pain Dharma.

I don't know how you keep a decent outlook on life with so much pain. I couldn't do it.

Peace.

Trudygolightly

on Mar 17, 2006

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

sorry for all this pain Dharma!

I hope and pray it eventually lets up.

Dr Guy

on Mar 17, 2006

I guess we dont realize the long term reprecussions of accidents. I hope it does get better. And that the pain eventually goes away.

dharmagrl

on Mar 17, 2006

I don't know how you keep a decent outlook on life with so much pain. I couldn't do it.

Oh I can be a bitch some days. If it's on a weekend I usually stay in the bedroom out of other people's way because interacting with people is difficult to do and still be nice. If it's a weekday I simply stay home and don't go anywhere or talk to anyone. I get withdrawn....if you don't see me on JU for a couple of days it's because I'm having a hard time pain-wise.

It's not so much the pain that I mind, it's the disappointment I feel when I'm told that something else is broken and needs to be fixed. Oh, and wearing a sling. I DETEST that. Yes, it helps my shoulder not mov e around and reminds me that I need to be a bit careful, but man is it ever a pain in the rear!

I hope and pray it eventually lets up

Me too, Trudy. Me too.

foreverserenity

on Mar 17, 2006

Aw gee, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I know it's not the easiest thing to handle. It's tough but like you said, it could have been worse, but that doesn't make it any better I know. I hope you will find some relief to all the madness soon. At least relief that will make you forget about being in pain long enough to enjoy your life. Hugs to you Dharma! Feel better soon.

dharmagrl

on Mar 17, 2006

I guess we dont realize the long term reprecussions of accidents. I hope it does get better. And that the pain eventually goes away.

Yeah, that's what I'm finding. I thought that all of the injuries were discovered either directly after or a couple of months after, but that's not the case. It's just taking me a little time to get used to it.

The shoulder will get better, either by my own doing or someone else's surgical skills. The neuropathy (nerve pain) will always be there - but the medications they have to treat that kind of thing are getting better and better, so I'm hopeful.

Tova7

on Mar 17, 2006

This is what I mean. I act like this a certain week of every single month and for no better reason than mother nature.

My hat is off to you. And hope you are feeling better soon.

dharmagrl

on Mar 17, 2006

At least relief that will make you forget about being in pain long enough to enjoy your life. Hugs to you Dharma! Feel better soon

Thanks, FS. I'm tough, the pain's nothing that I can't handle. He offered me narcotics and I turned him down, so if I'm in pain it's my own fault.

'Normal' now is different to 'normal' before I got hurt - it's not necessarily bad, it's just different. I do things differently; I've had to modify and adapt - but the important thing (to me, anyway) is that I'm still doing things. So what if I have to take a painkiller in order to be able to hike 2 miles with my family? I'm still hiking, and that's the important thing. The pain management doctor was the one who suggested that, btw. He said he's not worried about how much medicine I'm on, he just wants my pain to be controlled enough for me to be able to have a 'normal' life. Of course there are things that I won't do because I KNOW I'll get hurt, but those aren't things that I would do regularly anyway.

dharmagrl

on Mar 17, 2006

This is what I mean. I act like this a certain week of every single month and for no better reason than mother nature

See, that's somehting else we have in common! hehehehehe.....

BlueDev

on Mar 17, 2006

Best wishes D. I'm sorry you continue to have to struggle with this. But I am glad you are still here to struggle.

Draginol

on Mar 17, 2006

I'm so sorry to hear this. For what it's worth, you have people who care about you from all over the world. Your on their thoughts (and ours).

JillUser

on Mar 17, 2006

Well good gravy K! Well, I guess you can use yourself as an example as to why your kids should be extremely careful when driving and never drink and drive. Sometimes it isn't just an accident. Like for you, it is a continuing experience that you have had to deal with ever since.

Goes to show, my blog "Life isn't fair" was on the money. If it were fair, you certainly wouldn't be going through all you've gone through.

~hugs~

amandapearl2

on Mar 17, 2006

Aww! I hope you feel better soon! I know what you're going through, to be hurt or sick and think you're fully healed only to discover another complication. But don't worry, you'll be fine.

Moderateman

on Mar 17, 2006

Elie<<<<<<<<<< that guy is offering prayers for a healing, even less pain would be nice.

MM

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