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Our daughter can't see.

She needs to get an eye exam and glasses.  WE've been telling ehr this for weeks, and she's been saying for weeks that she can see fine and that she isn't going to wear glasses.  She's even run off to her room crying at the thought of having to wear "stupid dorky" glasses.

Her arguments have ranged from "everyone will make fun of me" to "If you make me get them I just won't wear them".  Our counters have been "since when did you care what other people thought" to "you damn well will even if we have to strap them to your head".

It's been a merry-go-round of misery.  She's been upset, we've been frustrated, and everyone's been ounhappy.  It's been our first real taste of parenting a teenager who is really concerned about how she looks.  I can understand it; her body is changing all the time and it's hard for her to come to terms with it.  On the other hand....I'm her mother, and I have to do what I think is best for her.  And right now, that means wearing glasses because she can't see.

Dave and I had decided to take a break from riding the merry-go-round for a while, but last night we had a breakthrough.  Shea came into our bedroom as I was putting my laundry away, and had stood there squinting to try and read her dad's certificates on his 'wall of honor'.  I took my glasses off and handed them to her, telling her to try them and see how she liked them.  She did, and she looked up across the room....

"holy cow!!!!  I can read like ALL the words!!!!"

Breakthough number 1.  She likes that she can see again. 

I told her we'd go look at pictures of the people in her favorite bands to see if we could find any of them wearing glasses.  I was trying to show her that just because you wear glasses doesn't mean you're dorky and un-cool; that some very famous and cool people wear spectacles.

I showed her pictures of River from Weezer, Lisa Loeb (of course, I couldn't leave her out!), Avril Lavigne....and then we had breakthrough number 2.

She worships Fallout Boy.  We found a picture of one of the guys from Fallout Boy wearing some chunky black glasses.  That sealed it for her.  Glasses are no longer for the uncool nerds, in her opinion.  If one of her idols can wear glasses in public, so can she.

She got up this morning and asked to wear my glasses again today (apparently she REALLY likes being able to see), so  I asked her if she'd be willing to get an eye exam today and order some glasses of her own.  She said yes, and as luck would have it, the optometrist had an opening just after lunchtime this afternoon.  She wants some chunky black frames, and I know that the place she's getting her eyes tested at has some chunky black frames for a very low price - because I was going to order some for myself the next time I got new glasses.

I'm going to ride this wave of eyeglass enthusiasm for as long as I can, because the time before she decided she liked glasses was pretty miserable.  Shea as a teenager is a force to be reckoned with, it's nothing like when she was a little girl and would acquiesce without too much trouble.  Had push come to shove she'd have got glasses because we would have MADE her, but that would have made veryone miserable and she'd have likely 'lost' them or 'broken' them in pretty short order.  I'm not a big fan of a miserable household, it destroys any and all positive energy and makes our home an uncomfortable place to be.  Doing it this way is much easier.

Parenting a teen is NOT as easy as I thought it would be,  and it scares me to think that it's going to get worse than this. It's going to be a learning experience for everyone involved, I think.

 


Comments (Page 1)
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on Feb 04, 2006
My sympathy is with you. I just lost my last teen. He turned 20 recently. But I had all boys and have been told it's not as bad as the girls. We all survived and now I'm enjoying a very good relationship with all three, although I think I was the "meanest mom." My job was to get them to 18 in one piece.

Have you discussed contacts? All three of my boys wore contacts. I went thru the same issue as you with my youngest. My rule was contacts in High School and he went all thru Junior High blind because he refused to wear glasses. I guess David Hunt wanted to be David Hunk instead even if it meant flying blind for a while.
on Feb 04, 2006

Chunky Black ones?  Eewww!  My mother made me wear tortoise shell ones, and use to tell me "I would have killed for plastic rims when I was growing up!  Instead, I had to wear wire rims!".  Well, along comes high school and finally I get to pick out my own glasses.  What do I get?

Wire rims!  Never owned another pair of plastic rim glasses again!

Glad you found a subtle way to get her to see your point.  Actually, I know she thinks it is her idea, but we can allow them that illusion, right?

on Feb 04, 2006
As she gets older there are always option with contacts... or Laser Correction as well.
on Feb 04, 2006
At least you aren't required to establish dominance by thumping her!
With teen boys it is a bit different, especially when your teen is 5 inches taller than you!
on Feb 04, 2006

My rule was contacts in High School

I think that's what we're going to do as well.  I said that we'd see how she did with her glasses, and that if she could show that she could take care of them then we'd talk about contacts over the summer.

Chunky Black ones? Eewww!

Hey!  I like the chunky black ones, and the ones that I wear now are chunky tortoishell.  actually, I don't think any of you have ever seen me in my glasses, have you?  Well, here you go:



 

Actually, I know she thinks it is her idea, but we can allow them that illusion, right?

Exactly.  As long as she thinks it's her idea, it's all good.

As she gets older there are always option with contacts... or Laser Correction as well

Yeah, we've discussed that briefly.  By then the military should be paying for dependents to get it done.  I hope, anyway.

At least you aren't required to establish dominance by thumping her!
With teen boys it is a bit different, especially when your teen is 5 inches taller than you!

I've experienced a little of that from Davey already.  He's about 18 months away from being a teen, but he's getting some of the teen attitude - and body odor.  Ick.  Anyway, I'm going to be in trouble when that happens because I'm probably going to shorter than him.  I'll just have to use my mad budokan skills and kick his butt to show him who's boss, huh?

on Feb 04, 2006

actually, I don't think any of you have ever seen me in my glasses, have you? Well, here you go:

Yes mam!  Please dont hit me, I wear glasses!

Actually to add to what Greywar said, I got lasik about 18 months ago.  They dont like to do anyone under 25 due to the fact that the eyes are still changing.  But after that, Brad and I highly recommend it! (he did a thread on it back in October 04).

on Feb 04, 2006
I think you did really well handling your first "war" with a teenager. I'm terrified of teenagers. I'm hoping that when I become a parent that pre-teen experience will help us pull through the teenage years.

I think you and D are really good about picking your battles. And I think you used reasoning with her that really made sense and you actually made her kinda excited about something she was previously detesting. Not bad. Not bad at all.
on Feb 04, 2006
Actually, I know she thinks it is her idea, but we can allow them that illusion, right?


yes, you can. we like it better that way.

I'm terrified of teenagers


yeah. me too. =P
on Feb 04, 2006
Heh heh......I'm the same way about glasses. Switched to contacts when I was 16 and never looked back. The only time I ever wear them now is when we go the gas chamber. (c.s.)
on Feb 04, 2006
Best of luck. I tell you, we learned the hard way about just how tough teens can be.

Sounds like you are doing a pretty good job.
on Feb 04, 2006
What? Glasses are awesome. They let you do the "dramatic reveal" when you have to say something.

Besides, I wear glasses. And since I rate an eleven on the cool scale (the scale only goes from 1 to 8) wearing glasses is automatically cool.
on Feb 04, 2006
Parenting a teen is NOT as easy as I thought it would be, and it scares me to think that it's going to get worse than this. It's going to be a learning experience for everyone involved, I think.


My wife manages 9 adolescent girls at her live in facility and often says, am I glad for a boy. We have one 14 yr old boy. Before we married I was able to see what parental activities were lacking early on. When we meet, (he was 5 yrs) I told her that we need to be really pro-active and tougher on him to make up for all that wasn't done early on. She eventually listened even when her natural "mothering" wanted to take him in an opposing direction. Every other Sunday when he'd come home from visiting his sorry father, I had to fight against the effects making it difficult. At times I asked myself if I did the right thing my marrying a woman with someone else's child.

Any how, we're finally seeing the results of my approach, and it's pretty darn good, if I don't say so myself. He's been an honor student almost every year.... and only minor issues arise. He's learning the value of giving of himself, helping those in need, even doing some charity work. Last year his picture along with six other teens made two newspapers for taking upon themselves to have a fund raiser that generated $3500 which they later donated to our needy local boys and girls club. I couldn't have been more proud if he was of my blood. He said it was because of my charity work.

He's actually seeing the benefits from all those times I've been tough and demanding. He not allowed to hang with any friends until we meet the parents and can see their parenting style is some what akin to ours. He doesn't cuss because neither my wife and I cuss. We both guide him with his home work and projects, never doing to much. Most importantly, we talk to him all the time and I insure he knows I am available to discuss "any topic" even if that means he calls me at the office. He's demonstrating more and more character every day. He admits to errors in judgement knowing there are consequences for those errors. All his life he's heard me say "what's the right thing to do". He's beginning to ask and answer that question because he knows right from wrong. The best part is I've watched him do the right thing even when it wasn't easy for him.

Even though I never had a child of my own, he's as good as it gets. I was so proud the other day when my wife said she's really noticing the affect I've had on him, he's got character. He's even said, I am doing the job of a Dad and that makes all the difference in the world to him. Even his teachers are taking notice. I am a pretty lucky man

on Feb 04, 2006
I won't pretend to know what it's like to parent a teen, but I did help my mother raise my sister (she's 20 now), and I know how pressured she felt to look a certain way (and of course, along with that came some moodiness and drama on her part) ...

I hope your daughter eventually is okay with wearing them. Hey, if her mom looks good in glasses, she'll look good in them, too.
on Feb 04, 2006
I guess David Hunt wanted to be David Hunk instead even if it meant flying blind for a while.

He would have been David Hunk anyway, even WITH glasses.

yes, you can. we like it better that way.

LOL... (((((((((J))))))))))


Sounds like it's all worked out, K. Actually, I thought chunky glasses had come back in sometime in the past couple of years. Jas has chunky purple ones... and a pair of darker ones too. She thinks they're cool.

I, on the other hand, am sick to death of my glasses. I'm headed to the optometrist Monday to see about contacts. I've never worn them, but because I'm so obsessive about dirt and smudges on my glasses, I'm thinking it will be a wise move. I'm constantly cleaning my specs, which causes them to crack sooner... and the screws to get lose... etc. In general, I'd rather be without them completely. Then again, maybe I won't be able to stand contacts. All that said, I don't mind the way I look in the glasses... I actually think I look a bit strange without them now. I'll get used to it, I guess.
on Feb 04, 2006
I think Shea would look adorable in glasses, and they're almost like an accessory...a way to showcase her unique personality.

Haha, and if she doesn't get something (glasses or contacts) her school work is going to end up suffering. Although, I think going the "you'll look cool" angle is probably more convincing for a teen girl!
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