I live a pretty 'clean' life compared to some people.

I don't drink alcohol often.  I'll have a little tipple once or twice a year, but I don't drink regularly, and I rarely drink to excess.  The last time I got tipsy was before Christmas - I was celebrating my husband coming home.  I paid for it the day afterwards - actually, that's the whole reason I don't drink.  I don't like the day after.

I don't smoke or use tobacco.  Even when I have a drink I don't smoke.  I used to smoke, but I quit a couple of years ago.

I try and eat relatively healthily.  I don't eat a lot of fried foods, and when possible I eat fresh fruits and veggies rather than canned foods or processed snacks.  Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint when it comes to food...I just happen to like fresh vegetables and fruits and would rather have those than a bag of chips.  Fried foods or foods high in fats upset my stomach so I tend to avoid them.

So, when it comes to vices, I have few.  I don't drink often, I don't smoke, and I don't have a thing for ultra-processed foods.

I do, however, enjoy a nice cup of coffee.  I like to sample different blends; I like to grind the beans myself and spend time in the kitchen when the java is brewing so I can take in the aroma.  I like to sip slowly and taste the subtle differences in the tastes...some are sweet, some are slightly smokey and some are bold and 'in your face' with their taste.  I'lll admit to using a teaspoon of sugar in my coffee, but I don't use any creamer or milk - I like mine black and un-tampered with (apart from the sugar, that is).

I often used to joke about how coffee was the last vice I had, how I could do without cigarettes and alcohol and illegal drugs but I couldn't - and WOULDN'T - do without my coffee. 

So you can imagine my dismay when the cardiologist told me that I'd have to give it up.  That I'd have to give up caffinated coffee and sodas and beverages.  That caffiene would have to go because it's not good for my heart.  That I'd have to switch to decaf instead.

"It's got all the flavor, just none of the bad stuff" he said.  I wanted to tell him that compared to some of the stuff I drink, decaf tastes like someone ran hot water through an overflowing ashtray.  It's gross.  I'd rather drink plain tap water than that.

But I didn't.  I sat and nodded and smiled sweetly and said that I'd be a good girl and give up my beloved coffee, even though behind the smile I was almost in tears - because coffee was the only thing I had left to give up.

But I've done what I'm supposed to do.  I threw away the caffinated stuff this morning and went out and bought decaf instead.  I've tossed the sodas that had caffiene in them and have replaced them with caffiene free ones (I can't drink diet sodas; I have a mild allergy to aspartame and other artificial sweeteners so I drink regular ones - but I just try to limit my intake).  I have waved goodbye with a tear in my eye to my last vice and have come to terms with the fact that I can't drink regular coffee any more.

I've given up all the things that are bad for me.....

...and I have nothing left to give up.