Dear Poison Dwarf,

You have apparently lost your mind.  After what you did to me this afternoon I have come to the conclusion that you are mentally unstable and somewhat deranged.

I'm not basing my opinion on just this afternoon's little incident.  I'm basing it on your consistent behaviour over the past few weeks.

You seem to have my husband's role a little confused.  You're mistaking him for someone who gives a fuck about you...you seem to think that he's your substitute husband, your boyfriend, your significant other.  You don't seem to understand that you WORK for him, and that's where your association ends.  He's not your supervisor, compadre, or even your acquaintance.  He doesn't care about what you do on your time off, he only cares that you show up to work and do what you're told to do.  You are not his equal, you are not his peer.  He outranks you, and you really should remember that.

You should also take what he tells you seriously.  You should listen when he tells you that he doesn't care what you think of him, that he's really not interested in your opinion.  He's not.  You, m'dear, are a pain in his ass.  When he comes home from work, he complains about you.  He doesn't like you, and he's slightly incredulous that you think he's there to take care of you.  He's also slightly irritated that you think you can run the show in his office.  You're not there because you're good at your job, honey.  You're there because you have issues and your unit didn't know where else to put you.  So, get any delusions of grandeur out of your head, and get them out quickly - before someone else has to remove them for you.

Speaking of delusions.....lets talk about your attitude towards me, shall we?  I don't know who the heck you think you are, but I'm here to tell you that if you ever speak to me the way you spoke to me this afternoon again I'm going to go to your superintendent and complain.  You had no reason to be rude to me the way you were.....you knew damn well who I am.   You not only were rude, you were disrespectful too.  Bad idea.  See, my husband's loyaties lie firmly with me.  With ME, and with his kids.  Not with you.  Not even a little bit.  You shouldn't have done that to me, or to him.  See, it wasn't just me you were rude to, it was him as well.  So, when he told you not to do that anymore, he wasn't just talking about not doing that to me.  He was talking about not doing that again, period.

You've made a mistake in making an enemy out of me, chickie.  I'm on a first name basis with everyone in your department.  I've got a good rapport with them, they know me.  They also know my husband, and the kind of relationship we have.  They know that I've done a lot in the name of his job, that both he and I have gone above and beyond to facilitate his duty needs.  If I were to go to your superintendent and complain about you, he wouldn't just look at me like I was jealous.  He'd know that something had happened, that you'd been out of line somehow. 

You could have had me in your corner, honey.  All of the other chicks that he's worked with in the past have had me on their side. Heck, I even went and partied with those girls.  Not you, though.  You've suceeded where others have failed.  You've not only irritated my husband, but you've irritated me too, and it really takes a lot to do that.

So, let's go over this again so's you don't forget it, shall we?  My husband does not give a fuck about what you do away from the office.  He's not your friend, your buddy, your pal.  He's not your husband, fiancee, significant other.  He's not even your supervisor or your peer.  He's the guy you work FOR, not with.  You don't need to call him at home to tell him how you're feeling, because he doesn't care.  You don't need to treat his wife like shit, because not only does that piss him off, it pisses me off....and being married yourself, you should know that if a man's wife isn't happy, he's not going to be happy either. 

You need to check your attitude at the door, and do your fucking job.  Don't try to be his friend, his confidante.  Don't try to usurp me.

Are we clear?