Personal space

Could you back up a little, please?

Published on February 19, 2004 By dharmagrl In Misc

I have boundaries.

If someone I don't know encroaches on my boundaries, my personal space, I start to feel very uncomfortable.

It happened to me twice this morning. I was waiting in line at the pharmacy when an elderly gentleman walked up behind me. He stood about 12" from me, breathing heavily down my neck. I shifted forward a step, hoping to restore my comfort zone...and so did he. I waited a bit, tried not to feel too uncomfortable, and moved forward again....and so did he. There wasn't anyone directly in front of me, so I moved forward again, only to be followed by him, again. Luckily, my prescription was ready so I managaed to get away from him.
The second time was at the BX (department store on base). I was looking at vacum cleaners and a man came and stood next to me...really, really close to me. Again, I did the 'shift and shuffle' move, but he did the same thing. I had decided what I wanted to buy, so I grabbed it off the shelf and left, hoping he wouldn't come stand behind me in line at the register!

My question is this: am I the only one who has issues with personal space? Obviously the two people who invaded mine this morning don't have issues with it...I was as close to them as they were to me. It's not as if the space I need is huge, I measured it out and it's actually only about 2'. I have no problem with people I know being in my space, I just don't like total strangers shoving their way in.

Someone please tell me I'm not the only one!

Comments (Page 1)

KarmaGirl

on Feb 19, 2004

Where is your base located? The US is more into "personal space" than other countries. In some countries, it is flattery to be very close to another person. Of course, in a lot of other countries, extended families live together, unlike the norm in the US of having one family per house. (Or, around where I live that each house has about 1,000 sq ft per person).

However, that said, being from the US, I agree with you. My biggest pet peeve in the world is somebody standing behind me. My husband looks over my shoulder all the time when I'm at the computer. He's interested in whatever image I am working on at the time. he keeps forgetting that it drives me up the wall when he does that. I can't even imagine if somebody not related to me did that! But, I guess that's just one of my many hang ups.

LaVoix

on Feb 19, 2004

No, you are not alone. And believe me, you need to make sure you keep those boundaries clear.

As an ex-AF dependent/ex-AF wife I found that out the hard way.

Remember, the 'mission' always comes first. You are merely an interesting 'sidebar' to that 'mission' and if push ever comes to shove, you and/or your kids are expendable.

Muggaz

on Feb 19, 2004

Maybe he was a hair sniffer?

BAM!!!

PoetPhilosopher

on Feb 19, 2004

Are you beautiful ? Perhaps that explains it.

Or maybe you just smell nice.

When it bothers me I do the exact opposite of what you did. I lean in, possibly even bumping into them, and they move back. Try one of those innocent, "Sorry fella I didn't see you sneak up on my like that". Typically when you literally force someone to move out of your space, they will not move back in.

Your social cue of moving AWAY was too subtle, especially for someone who doesn't notice in the first place. Kinda like attempting to get away from a tailgater by speeding up.

If they are not getting it you can always "fall" into them including putting a hand on them somewhere safe (shoulder, arm). They will definitely get the picture, unless they are completely clueless.

You are at an advantage being a woman since it is non-threatening.

Have fun and let us know how it goes!!

dharmagrl

on Feb 19, 2004

Well, I feel better..it seems I am not alone!

...and yes, I did smell nice today ('Amber Romance', a Victoria's Secret scent). Am I beautiful? I don't think so. Pretty, maybe, cute, possibly, but not beautiful.

I'm going to take you advice, Poet...it'll be interesting to see the outcome.

LaVoix, I've been doing the AF spouse gig for over 10 years now....and you have inspired me to write an article about it. I'll post it tonight.

Matt (Anonymous User)

on Feb 19, 2004

This happens to me all the time, and I don't have a big personal bubble. My trick is to put my foot down - literally. If it's someone in front of me leaning in too close - I'll step back and lean on that foot but KEEP my other foot where it was, so the person will have to step on my foot to get closer.

If they are behind me, I'll turn sideways to some extent, and put a foot out in the same way - for them to step on if they want to get closer.

I figure if someone wants to get close badly enough to step on me... well, they deserve what I wanted to give 'em in the first place.

Oh, and if I'm feeling extra froggy, I'll just fart a lot. Yep, as a guy this is not so difficult. I call it the "stinkbug" routine, and it's perfect for moving people away - AND for revenge on people who sneak in real fast and steal seats on buses or trains. Oops, now they get to sit and enjoy the sweet winds of vengeance.

Keo Lin

on Feb 19, 2004

I feel the same. Sometimes even people i know i dont like them to stand so close. I need breathing room!!!

KellyW0498

on Feb 19, 2004

You are definitely not alone. Everyone deserves there own personal space unless otherwise invited in. I hate it when they do it at banks or some place personal. That is when I just say," Excuse me, this is a personal matter" and then they realize what they are doing.

Locamama

on Feb 19, 2004

I am the opposite and it drives my husband crazy. He stands back so far in line that people don't know he is in line and they cut right in front of him. And of course he doesn't say anything. I don't breathe down people's necks but I am probably closer than 2'. btw, you probably shouldn't go to Disney World - that was the only place on the planet I felt crowded - probably all those foreign tourist who don't understand our American sense of personal space - lol!

on Feb 19, 2004

Hmm I like my personal space, thank you.

I agree that it is a major annoyance.

Dan Kaschel

on Feb 20, 2004

I agree with Poet, you're probably just really pretty and smell good. And don't give us the "i don't think I'm beautiful line" cuz I've met few beautiful women that do.

~Dan

Gene Nash

on Feb 20, 2004

When I was young and the video game I wanted to play was occupied, I'd have my mother go stand behind the person and watch them play. It always worked. The best example was this poor man playing Asteroids. He was the greatest Asteroids player I had ever seen. He had like ten ships lined up and over 150,000 points. "Ummm, Mom?" Within a minute he was toast. Game Over. "Thanks, Mom, now do you mind going away? I'd like to play as long as I can."

psychx

on Feb 20, 2004

personal space is definitely something that we must defend at all costs back up and step on their feet by "mistake" that usually does the trick for me

Zack Sweden (Anonymous User)

on Feb 20, 2004

You are being really selfish, so I will clear up all this confusion right now. "Your space" is exactly the amount of space required for your body to fit into. (Or a bit less, if you are very fat, in which case you should try to compress yourself a bit). In any case, I own all of the space I see, wherever I go, as I am the Emperator of all that I see. This gives me the express right to, for example sit on you if I were to meet you in a public place.

on Feb 20, 2004

really pretty and smell good

I know that it's not reffering to me, but I am male, and not 'pretty' or even handsome, and I still has problems with people.

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