Off to the ER we go..

...again.....

Published on March 29, 2005 By dharmagrl In Home & Family

I made the second trip to the ER in a week tonight.

I had to take my son in because his brother busted his nose in a fist fight.

I have one boy with a black eye and bruised ribs, and another with a busted snout and a healing split lip from the last altercation (which was why we were there last week for visit number one).

I'm tired of refereeing these fights. I'm tired of wading in and breaking them up. I'm tired of them fighting over every damn thing. I'm tired of little D (who has his father's name, attitude and temper) teasing J, who walks away for as long as he can, but who them lets fly with a torrent of fists and head butts (Jake's got the Glaswegian Kiss down pat now). I'm tired of blood on the floor and the sinks, ice packs and crying boys. I'm tired of taking things away, grounding them and such. It's not working.

They need their dad. They're getting to the age where little boys really need their father's influence, and their dad seems to be perpetually gone.

Big D and I talked about this the other night. He's going to try and cross train into a field that deploys less when he gets back from this stint in the sand box. He says he can't do it much more.

Neither can I.

Tomorrow, I'm marching them up to talk to D's commander (the top cop on this installation and a Col.). I've asked him to put the fear of god in them, give them the official brief on why it's not okay to hit your brother, period, and what the repercussions for doing so are (apart from that Momma does). Harsh? Perhaps. But so's breaking your brother's nose. So's busting his lip and kicking him in the ribs when he's down.

D's absence is starting to show, and I'm not the only one who's feeling it.

Comments (Page 1)

NS38

on Mar 29, 2005

Dont take things away from the kids...They want attention. Instead the next time they have an argument try sitting both of them down in opposite sides of the room and tell them to stay there and if they move they will not have much of a life left ( take EVERYTHING from them). Then just leave for about 5 mins. Come back and if they both calmed down suggest a relaxing board game. You could also try having them say 10 nice things about one another each day...Hey it might work.

Ns38

dharmagrl

on Mar 29, 2005

Instead the next time they have an argument try sitting both of them down in opposite sides of the room and tell them to stay there and if they move they will not have much of a life left

Dude...I thank you for trying to help, but if I did that, they would KILL each other. Seriously. I've let them fight it out before and someone got hurt that time too. I've separated them before, and they just go right back at it when I leave.

To me, if they're at the point of violence, all rationality has gone out the window.

scatter629

on Mar 29, 2005

Ouch!

Danny Bassette

on Mar 29, 2005

Bad boys, I hope that talking to D's commander helps.

NS38

on Mar 30, 2005

To me, if they're at the point of violence, all rationality has gone out the window

Well I think it has

Ns38

foreverserenity

on Mar 30, 2005

Wow, they're really hurting each other now. I hope the talk from the Commander will help.

Texas Wahine

on Mar 30, 2005

NS38: Hahahahaha...you don't have kids, do you?

Dharma: Dayum...bless your heart...in addition to the normal (and crushing) deployment stress, you have to deal with this...

I don't have any advice for you since my boys are still little, though I can definitely see this type of thing in my future.

I think it's probably very likely that your recent upsurge in brother on brother violence is spurred by the very fact that daddy is gone...yet again. They all deal with it in different ways, and I could see it making boys that age feel angry and make them want to lash out.

It sounds like you are doing a good thing by taking them in to see the commander. If your boys are anything like mine, someone who seems "official" and who is imposing with a booming voice will make an impression on them. It may also make them realize that as a military family, their actions are a reflection on their dad, which may help them cut it out.

Best wishes.

JillUser

on Mar 30, 2005

I say ditto to TW (especially the sentiment toward NS38). My guys are just starting some minor pushing, slapping and kicking. No bloodshed yet. I can see why it is driving you nuts!

Sounds like you have a good plan of attack. Boys need a male authority figure to set them straight sometimes. It is just a reality of life that a deep, stern voice can sometimes have more of an affect than a female voice.

Best of luck with those wild boys. It is amazing boys ever survive to become men, isn't it?!

dharmagrl

on Mar 30, 2005

Wow, they're really hurting each other now.

Yeah, they are. And, it has to stop.

NS38: Hahahahaha...you don't have kids, do you?

Thats what I thought....

If your boys are anything like mine, someone who seems "official" and who is imposing with a booming voice will make an impression on them.

Well, I went and talked to the commander and the senior enlisted dude...and my boys are in for a shock come friday. They have the day off school then, you see....and instead of taking them up there tonight, we've decided to wait and shock them on their day off. They're going to get briefed, and they're going to get briefed good. None of the 'what happened' bullshit, this is more of 'you WILL NOT hit, do you understand, little boy????' kind of speech.

I think that you're right, Tex, it will make more of an impression on them, and that's why I'm doing it.

Best of luck with those wild boys. It is amazing boys ever survive to become men, isn't it?!

Good lord yes!!! I often wonder how in the hell they'll survive to see 21......

NS38

on Mar 30, 2005

NS38: Hahahahaha...you don't have kids, do you?

No I am just a young person on here...But I wish you the best of luck

Ns38

dynamaso

on Mar 30, 2005

Hey D, I can't give you any advice. I can't even come round and scare the pants off the boys (which, btw, is the best thing you can do - the commander sounds like a great idea). Good luck with it.

island_gurl12

on Mar 31, 2005

Hey dharma, how about they try to get into some sports clubs. Something where respect is really a 'must' like in Judo or Cappuera lessons? Not only will it drain their energy, they will also learn valuable stuff!

But i dont have kids so i wouldnt know, the commander might do the trick... Keep us in the loop, might be helpful info for when i have sons! hehe

Moderateman

on Mar 31, 2005

hey could be worse I has 2 girls and every time I saw some guy that reminded me of me I went balistic.. btw jen and bobbi fought tooth and nail over stuff, I finally had to close one bedroom and make them live together in one room {that did not work either} good luck dharma.. yer gonna need it. smile

dharmagrl

on Mar 31, 2005

I can't even come round and scare the pants off the boys

I wish that you could!

Hey dharma, how about they try to get into some sports clubs. Something where respect is really a 'must' like in Judo or Cappuera lessons?

We've been talking about that recently....I think that the time has come.

good luck dharma.. yer gonna need it. smile

Aww....don't say that! Thanks anyway...

Tomorrow, my boys will get put in a jail cell for a while. They'll be made the remove their shoelaces and belts, and they'll have to sit in a cell for 15 mins, alone, with the door locked. Then, after they've been removed from the jail, they'll have to go stand in front of the commander and Dave's supervisor, and they'll be told that their behaviour will not be tolerated, that it's gone beyond being a nuisance and is now verging on criminal. Once that's done, Dave's supervisor is going to sit with them and ask them what the heck is going on that they fight like this all the time.

It's not a one time deal, either. They'll go back in 2 weeks to talk to the commander again, to see if they learned a lesson.

If that doesn't work, one of the prosecuting attorney's has agreed to do a mock juvenile misbehaviour board in the courtroom to see if that scares them straight.

All I know is that I HAVE to do something, before these boys do each other serious harm.

Keep your fingers crossed, y'all....

Janders

on Mar 31, 2005

I hope it goes well. You are doing such an awesome job with those boys. It must be really hard to be both mom and dad right now. Hang in there.

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