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Published on March 20, 2005 By dharmagrl In Blogging

Why is it that some people seem to thrive on other's misfortune? 

I know a few people like that....they really seem to enjoy making other people feel small.  They say that they like to see people 'taken down a peg or two'; they're happy when someone else fails.  They behave as though they're morally superior.....but they never make any claims of perfection themselves.  To do so would crack the facade that they've created for themselves, so they are very vocal about some of the mistakes that they've made.  These people have to have someone to dislike.  Without someone or something to hate or villify, they're empty.

On the other side of the coin, there are the people who have an inherent ability to bring others up.  These people are genuinely happy for other people's good fortune - when they say they're happy for someone, they truly mean it.  They thrive on other people's happiness, they're the kind of people who seem to eminate happiness and kindness.

I used to be a hater.  I found reasons to not like people.  If I found someone to dislike, I would take every opportunity I could to let them know that I was better than them in every way imaginable.  I would pick and dig and do anything I could to make them feel small and worthless.  I complained and bitched about everyone, from my in laws to my neighbors to people I met on the street.  It didn't matter to me if they were old, disabled, educated or not.....if they were breathing, they were fair game, and if they complained about my behaviour I took that as a sign of weakness and went even further.

I did it, I think, because I really wasn't much of anything myself.  I was a pathetic, worthless excuse for a human being.

I don't know what made me change.  I can't pinpoint one single event that caused me to not want to be that way anymore.  Perhaps I got tired of being miserable both in personality and attitude, perhaps I simply grew up and didn't feel the need to maliciously manipulate other people to make myself feel good anymore.  Perhaps I got tired of all the drama and the tension and the constant need to climb over people to make myself stand taller than everyone else.

But change I did....and I still am.  It's sometimes still tempting to shit on someone else so I can make myself appear to smell good....but I'm trying to resist that temptation, and for the most part I'm succeeding. 

Some people, though...they won't change.  They don't feel like they need to change.  Changing yourself implies that who/what you already are is deficient in some way...they're not deficient, and they have a whole trail of bodies in their wake to prove it.

That makes me sad.


Comments
on Mar 20, 2005
There is an evil bitch I work with that, FINALLY, after 11 loooooooonng years is retiring at the end of this month. Halley-fuckin'-looya! I think I deserve a medal for enduring her hatefull back stabbing ass so well with out choking the shit out her in that length of time. I can sincerely say, she is one of the most dark hearted people I have ever met including the convicts! I'm gonna buy some bottled beer - the good stuff- and celebrate when she is gone.

Does she go with ill wishes from me? Oh no, I trully wish her the very best in life and hope she has a great retirement. As long as it is AWAY from me...
on Mar 20, 2005
It has to do with low low self estime dharma, by tearing someone down and trashing them they think somehow that makes them above the person they are ripping apart. As someone in recovery I klnow this to be a truth, and fall into this trap myself on occassion. I am working on NOT doing this, as an open minded person is willing to change, while a closed minded person never changes because they see nothing wrong with there actions.
on Mar 20, 2005

Oh no, I trully wish her the very best in life and hope she has a great retirement. As long as it is AWAY from me...

Thats the thing, Shovel....I'm not trying to change anyone. They can be as bitchy and hateful as they want to be, as long as they do it away from me and don't involve me in it.  People like that get their come uppance sometime....karmic retribution is a bitch to have to deal with.  You reap what you sow, but not always in the same manner.  Ever wonder why everything you touch seems doomed to fail?  Could be your attitude that's causing that. 

an open minded person is willing to change, while a closed minded person never changes because they see nothing wrong with there actions.

That's the damn truth right there.  Even when they've done wrong and have it pointed out to them, the attitude is one of 'well, the world is a nasty place....all I did was show you how nasty it can be, it's not my fault.  I'm blameless, I'm not responsible for your misfortune'.

 

on Mar 20, 2005
For the last couple of years, I have been on a program to eradicate this sort of negativity completely from my life. I too have been working with a women for the last 6 odd years who proved to be extremely hard to please and quite cold and callous person. At first, I thought she didn't like me. Over time, I realised she was like this with everybody. This is when I decided to simply ignore her, treat her as I would anyone else and let any hold she had over me go.

These days, our working relationship is much better. She actually talks to me and is polite and...*ahccckk*...charming even. She is still nasty to just about everybody else but at least I'm no longer on her radar.

an open minded person is willing to change, while a closed minded person never changes because they see nothing wrong with there actions


This gets an insightful from me and I'm adding it to my quote list, if you don't mind, Moderateman?
on Mar 20, 2005
People like that get their come uppance sometime....karmic retribution is a bitch to have to deal with. You reap what you sow, but not always in the same manner.


EXACTLY! I am the devoutest of believer. The older I get the more I see just how true it is. The lady I was talking about is just plain mean despite whatever you do to be kind. Sometimes, with some people, all you can do is step back and realize that maybe it is wrong on your own part to not let them make their own choices on how to be.
on Mar 20, 2005
I think these people have to be pitied, because at some time, someone hurt them very badly and its taken all of the joy from seeing others succeed right out of their lives.

on Mar 20, 2005

For the last couple of years, I have been on a program to eradicate this sort of negativity completely from my life

Unfortunately, I am kin to it...so I can't.  I can however, do what I can to not be around it.

EXACTLY! I am the devoutest of believer. The older I get the more I see just how true it is

The person that sparked this has had a problem like this her entire life, but it's become more apparent in the past few months. She's ill now, and I sometimes wonder if her illness is a result of her hatred...she has literally nothing, and has had to move back in with her elderly parents more than once.  They've taken her back without griping, and all she's done it bitch about them.  She's fucked over everyone she's ever come in contact with, but to hear her talk...well, she has an excuse for everything.  When I look at her, I see what I could have become, what I was in danger of becoming...and it scares me.  I can't even feel sorry for her anymore. I think that she reaps what she sows and probably has a lot more coming.  She wants to come and stay with me and the kids.......and I don't want her to. 

I think these people have to be pitied, because at some time, someone hurt them very badly and its taken all of the joy from seeing others succeed right out of their lives.

You're right, you're absolutely right....

on Mar 20, 2005

Ok, let me make something clear here: this article is about my husband's mother. 

She wants to come and stay with me and the kids.......and I don't want her to. 

In case anyone missed that, I've highlighted it for them. 

This was written with her in mind.....but if the shoe fits, dig?

on Mar 21, 2005
Very insightful, K,-baby. I think I'm still like that alot. I think that I'm really two-faced and tend to play both sides sometimes, and that's BS. I really need to work at bringing other people up...especially Ryan and my babies...

Thanks for the heads up...
on Mar 22, 2005
Awesome post Dharma! so right on with a growing, maturing, insightful attitude! Yea!!
on Mar 22, 2005

I think that I'm really two-faced and tend to play both sides sometimes, and that's BS.

I'm still guilty of that as well.  I haven't been a very good friend to some people at times, and I know it......and whilst I'd like to apologize, I honestly think that it's going to be taken the wrong way, so I haven't yet.  I'm also guilty of being a rotten wife and a shabby mom....but I'm getting better at that too, and I honestly think that recognizing is the crucial first step.

Awesome post Dharma! so right on with a growing, maturing, insightful attitude!

Thank you, Trudy.  How are you feeling, anyway?

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