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Published on July 5, 2004 By dharmagrl In Misc

I've recognized within myself the capcity to hate recently.

It's been quite a revelation.  I'm still exploring these emotions that I've been feeling, but I'm pretty sure they're hatred.

Let me explain: a couple of years ago, my friend purchased a pit bull puppy from an Airman.  The puppy had had it's ears clipped, to make them stand up (a procedure I disagree with, but that's neither here nor there).  By the Airman (who shall be referred to as asshole from here-on out).  He cut off this dog's ears with a pair of household kitchen scissors.  The wounds got infected, and the dog almost lost it's ears.  Asshole admitted to doing it, but because my friend (who was a little timid) was afraid to report asshole or give out his name to the vet, no action was taken.

Asshole got court martialed a couple of weeks ago.  He kicked and stomped on some kid's face in a bar fight in town.  He admitted that he did it in his statement to the police.  His momma hired him a civilian lawyer, the military prosecuting attorney was not the sharpest knife in the drawer, and asshole walked.

I saw him at the pool the other day.  I found myself wanting to spit on him.  I wished that he would fall in the deep end of the pool next to me, and be unable to swim....so I could just paddle away and watch him drown. I imagined the sound those puppies made when their ears were being cut off.......

I've never really hated before.  I've disliked immensley, I've had disdain for.....but hatred?  This is a whole new ball of wax for me.  I'm not sure how to deal with this emotion, where to put it.  I have a good ability to compartmentalize  my emotions, to put them into little mental boxes, shut the lid, and leave them there.  If I have to, I can mentally sit on the lid of the box to get it to close...but this hatred refuses to be boxed up.  It's spilling over into other areas.  I'm starting to think that what I've been feeling for my moron neighbors is hatred.  I'm starting to think that there are people here who I might actually hate, even though I don't know them very well.  I think I hate what they stand for, what they say, even how they say it. 

I'm going to have to get a grip on this hatred, before it gets a grip on me.

 


Comments (Page 1)
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on Jul 05, 2004
dharmagrl,

Welcome to the world as it really is. I learned this lesson a long time ago. You just have to know how to not let it get the best of you and how to direct it in the right direction, maybe by being a cop and arresting the ones like you describe, its very liberating and a great stress releiver.

on Jul 05, 2004

Shadow War:

I'm a trainee PI...and I hope that my job gives me the capacity to take down assholes like these.  My time working alongside the PD has given me a couple of satisfactory busts already (one of whom I got to tackle, wrestle, and cuff).

Now I want to turn that feeling if satisfaction towards the blogsphere.  My time will come, I know it,(it has in the past) and when it does.......I will enjoy it and relish it (even though I may not show it)

I'm glad that you understand.

on Jul 05, 2004
The Dark Side clouds everything Dharma...

It is perceivable that you are a force of the light side, because the dark side has not clouded your disdain of this hatred... you dont embrace it, so you have nothing to worry about... we all know you are a good person...

BAM!!!
on Jul 05, 2004
Training myself not to hate is something I continually struggle with. One thing I’ve started to do recently that helps is trying to see what I have in common with the person I am feeling hatred towards. When I don’t know the person at all this means I usually tell myself that he has a fundamental desire to be happy and free from suffering (as do all of us). But most of us have no idea how to actually go about achieving this. We just stumble through life often making the same mistakes over and over again, and often hurting others in the process (perpetuating hate), all in the quest for finding happiness. In the case of Asshole, I would ask myself what would it take to make me cut a dog’s ears or smash in a kid’s face. I often can’t can up with a good answer to such questions, but this does cause me to think of things I have done in the past that I am ashamed of and would make me hate another if they did the same thing. Relating to him in this way goes a long ways in negating my hate. This process isn’t about excusing or justifying his behavior; it’s about freeing yourself from a destructive emotion.
on Jul 05, 2004

I have always been successful in not hating and freeing myself from that destructive emotion in the past, abe.  I've always looked for and found some redeeming qualities in a person that i disliked....but this guy....I can see none. 

LW - I too like animals better than most folks.  There are 2 thoughts that I have in my head when I think of asshole...the horrific sound those pups must have made, and the fact that most serial killers get their start torturing and killing animals. 

Muggzy - The Dark Side?   Yeah, I guess as long as I recognize my hate for what it is and don't hold it too close I'll be able to walk with the light.

on Jul 06, 2004
I'm gonna go out on a limb. I don't care if people disagree.

Hate is just as natural as love. To say that hate is "wrong" makes a natural reaction wrong. Hate isn't any different than love. You don't love mindlessly, if you are smart you don't love recklessly.

I have come to the conclusion that there is plenty of room in life for hate, and that it is healthy. Like any other emotion it is what you do with it, or how much you let it rule you that matters.

So, I'm not gonna be wooed by the Dark Side, but I'm not gonna reject a natural emotion outright. I think that would be tossing out the Yin and trying to live with nothing but Yang, ya know?
on Jul 06, 2004

Hate is just as natural as love.

And that, Bakerstreet, is what I have been needing to hear. 

I have a handle on it, I'm not going to let it run out of control, and I'm not going to hate for the sake of hating or for no reason.  I may dislike 'just because' but hate is a far more powerful emotion that that (just as 'liking' someone is far removed from 'loving' them). 

I know why I hate, and I think that's a key factor.

 

on Jul 06, 2004
Muggzy - The Dark Side? Yeah, I guess as long as I recognize my hate for what it is and don't hold it too close I'll be able to walk with the light.


You are already treading the path of the Jedi.

You can hate... just dont embrace the hatred...

May the force be with you!

BAM!!!
on Jul 06, 2004

You are already treading the path of the Jedi.


Ooooh, can I have a lightsaber?  A real one?  What colors do they come in?


Lots of love to Lexi...give her a cuddle for me when you see her next.  How often are you going to see her?

on Jul 06, 2004
My sister lives like an hour away from me... So, as much as i would love to see her every single night, it's just not feasible... she is 3 weeks old today... I have been seeing her each Sunday evening...

As for the lightsabres, when I figure out how to make them, you can have one, providing you pass you padawan trials

BAM!!!
on Jul 06, 2004

you can have one, providing you pass you padawan trials


What are those?  What do I have to do?

on Jul 06, 2004
- well, really, we have to re-establish the Jedi council... and that could be a few years away yet...

just keep on fighting the good fight

BAM!!!
on Jul 06, 2004
dharmagrl...........the more evil someone is, the more it is a waste of time and emotion to hate them. they should be punished properly and systematically. just like the death penalty--you execute them and feel no gladness or sadness.

the world is filled with endless evil.
on Jul 06, 2004
Dharma

We live in a world of duality. Without Darkness there can be no Light.

Without Adharma there would be no Dharma.

When we feel hatred we need to feel it and not suppress it. What you do with that hatred is what counts. Meaning you hate a particular thing you shouldnt go out and kill it but use that energy created by that emotion to transform it into something of benefit to everyone. Hatred as well as love is energy. It is our intentions, our reactions, our motivations that counts.

Meditate on this.
on Jul 06, 2004

Phoenix....you;re onto somehting there.  I have been trying to supress my hatred for so long, to deny it's existence even....you're right, there is a fine line between love and hate.  They're both very intense emotions.


But, love tends to be more productive than hate.  I just have to figure out how to turn my hate into something productive now!

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