The blues are lessening and I'm feeling better today than I have in many weeks.  I don't know if it's the medication; I think that it's too early for it to be that.  I think that it's more that I was forced to get out of the house on Friday and going to that party and mingling with people renewed my self-confidence.  D isn't exactly a sympathetic or even empathic man - actually, he's neither of those.   Some days remembering and thinking about my dad hurts and it brings me to tears, and I can see him roll his eyes when I start getting weepy. 

He also doesn't understand my blues.  When I tearfully explained to him how I was feeling and that I didn't know how I was going to get through it, he said "well, I dunno how I'M going to get through it, let alone you".

Heh.  Thanks.

I'm not going to make him out to be a monster because he's not - but he is difficult to live with and is literally the opposite of everything I am.

I'm wearing jeans today that I haven't been able to get into since summer.  I know that I've lost weight, I can feel it.  The doc was right; I stopped taking the elavil and the weight is coming off.  I owe that man a lunch or something.

Anyway.  The sunshine has started to creep back into my life.  I am going to go into the city tomorrow and hang around there.  Maybe I'll go to the zoo.  Or the art museum.  Or the natural history museum.  Who knows.  It's not the where that matters, it's the fact that I'm getting out and about.

Out and about with my sunshine.  I love it.