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I didn't know how awful I was until now.
Published on May 2, 2004 By dharmagrl In Misc

I have a hormonal pree-teen.

She's suddenly, literally overnight, turned into a Dr Jekyll, Ms Hyde kind of child. Has sprouted breasts and has to wear a bra, has oily hair and pimples....is prone to swift and unmerciless attitude and mood changes where she throws herself onto the floor, screeching and wailing, throwing her hair around like the end of the world is upon us. Sulks for no apparent reason, and is just plain miserable to be around sometimes. Thinks that she can smart mouth me and just walk away...and I have tried to remain patient, but this afternoon was the straw that broke the camel's back.  She copped an attitude, so I told her to go to her room.  She said no, so I said yes.  She said I couldn't tell her what to do and she didn't have to listen to me.  I pointed out that this is MY house, and that while she's living under MY roof I get to lay down and enforce the rules.  She got in my face and screamed that she hated me.  I said that that was too bad, because I loved her.  She screamed that she didn't care and that she was going to leave as soon as she could.  I said she could go when she was 18 but that until then she was going to do as I said and go to her room.  She went to her room, slammed and locked the door, and started throwing stuff around.  Tipped out all the drawers from her dressers, ripped down the drapes.....I could hear all this going on, so I popped open the lock, grabbed her by the back of her shirt in mid-throw and yanked her out into the hallway.  She screamed that I needed to "get the f&*k out" of her room.  I repeated that this is MY house and that every room in it is MY room, and that when she'd calmed down she was going to go back in there and clean up everything she had destroyed.  She could even eat dinner in her room tonight, and she can forget about phone, TV and video games for a couple of days.  She sat there for a bit with me standing over her, then got up, smoothed down her hair, and went into her room, closing the door behind her.  She's still in there.

I got to thinking...about how I must have been the same way when I was her age.  I remember getting into some real vicious fights with my mother...I cannot imagine how she ever managed to put up with me.  My opinion of her has changed...the woman is a virtual saint in my eyes now.

I'm going to call her in the morning and tell her as much myself.

Hmm...how long before Shea can move out?  6 years?  I don't know if I can last that long....


Comments (Page 2)
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on May 03, 2004
Sherye, I don't think Shea's moods are extreme at all.  I know so many girls right now that are at about the same age (12 or 13) going through the exact same thing as Dharma described.  I doubt they are all extreme.  These girls are dealing with achieving an adult body without the benefit of adult emotions or control.  Hence the age old "I hate you!" or the power play.  Sounds completely normal to me.
on May 03, 2004
Sherye, I don't think Shea's moods are extreme at all. I know so many girls right now that are at about the same age (12 or 13) going through the exact same thing as Dharma described. I doubt they are all extreme. These girls are dealing with achieving an adult body without the benefit of adult emotions or control. Hence the age old "I hate you!" or the power play. Sounds completely normal to me.


Shea sounds a lot like my 14 yr old Samantha...and we've had her evaluated for several reasons. Her moods and temper explosions have been ruled "normal teenage behavior" by a child psychiatrist, so I don't think Dharma has anything to worry about in that regard unless they get worse. I also remember behaving the same way when I was that age.
on May 03, 2004

I can remember when I was 12-13........that is when my Mom started getting grey hair and my Dad lost a lot of his.  Hell, even my female dog was a pain in the butt when her hormones kicked in.  And, I just had my Thyroid dose changed, which in turn threw the rest of my hormones out of whack and now I feel like a total bitch (and, I KNEW it was going to happen).

But, everyone has to go through the change in hormones.  I am sure that Shea will calm down a bit once she has experienced what the hormones will do to her and will recognize it a bit more.  She sounds "normal" to me.

on May 03, 2004
I'm sorry that I over reacted. I don't know what normal is for a girl. Right now I'm having a hard time with one of my daughters but it has nothing to do with your daughter. I remember another mother of a child with bipolar who said that she wished that she had problems with curfew and all the other arguments that teens have with their parents.
on May 03, 2004

It's ok, Sherye, no need to apologize.


I think that Shea is having a perfectly normal entrance into puberty.  I think that Jill put it best when she said that she's dealing with an adult body without the benefit of adult wisdom and control. 


I feel sorry for her, I remember (somewhat) how it is.

on May 03, 2004
I remember my mom and I having a horrible relationship when I was a teen, if it makes you feel any better, we have a wonderful relationship now that I am in my twenties.
on May 05, 2004

I spoke to my mum this morning.  I first apologized, then explained what I was apologizing for.  All she did was laugh.  First she giggled, then guffawed, and by the end of the conversation she was laughing big belly laughs and having difficulty speaking. "oh dear" she said "i remember saying to you that one day you would understand how difficult it is to deal with teenage girls..and now you are!  I shouldn't really laugh because it's not terribly funny...but I predicted this would happen! Hahaha!  Never mind, love, she'll grow out of it.  Until she does, it always pays to walk away and count to ten.  I think I must have counted nearly to a million trying to deal with you at that age!"

I love my mum, i really do.

on May 05, 2004
I Loved this post Dharma - I was talking to my mum the other day about something similar - I wasn't actually too bad until I was about 16 I started to rebel a little I just didn't want to talk to my mum about anything!!! And it drove me nuts when she asked.

My sister however was the way your Shae is from the age of about 8. The "I hate You's You can't tell me what to do I'm packing my bags and going to live with Nana" She's 16 now - I moved out about a year ago but her and mum and da fight even more then ever - I thought she was calming down for a minute there but it just got worse.
on May 05, 2004
she's dealing with an adult body without the benefit of adult wisdom and control.


I still feel this way, quite often!
on May 05, 2004

she's dealing with an adult body without the benefit of adult wisdom and control.


I still feel this way, quite often!


I'm starting to be better about recognizing my feelings and emotions for what they are. I find that once I can name them I have more control over them..and if nothing else, I can say "hey, I'm PMSing so you might want to steer clear of me unless you have chocolate and are prepared to watch my cry"


 

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