*i managed to find the strength to do it, Miah, but thanks for offering anyway*

My dad passed away at 0230 GMT this morning.  He had had another heart attack on Thursday and had to be admitted.  He went into cardiac arrest Saturday morning and had to be revived, but had another arrest shortly after 1 am and desipte the best efforts of the physicians, he died.

My mother was there with him and she said that he looked very peaceful.  My brother was in New York so was tasked to call me and tell me.

I've been waiting for that phone call for years.  Waiting and dreading.  Now it's finally happened, and I keep having to take breaks from writing this because I can't see through my tears.

I won't be going home.  Mum doesn't want me to; she says she'd rather see me when she comes here for a vacation.

There won't be a funeral.  He's donated his body to medical science.  I don't like that, I don't know how to deal with it.  I'm going to talk to a bereavement counsellor at the hospice tomorrow to see if I can come to terms with it.

I'm really good at helping other people die, but not so good at dealing with death when it visits my family.

I love you, dad.  I'm sorry to see you go, but I'm glad that you're not in pain anymore.  Now you can walk all you want to and fish to your hearts content.  I'll never forget you, ever, and I'll always be your little girl.

Bye, dad.